If they’re a lot younger than you are or they’re a lot older than you are, why are you interested in a young or old partner whose interests and priorities will be very different from your own? If you are into a guy who works for you, are you more into the idea that you can call the shots than the actual person? If you have a crush on your brother’s girlfriend, is it more about getting one over on your brother than actual interest in the girl? It might be that for a series of circumstances you are feeling needy and vulnerable, making it a bad time to take any action.
If one or both parents had extra-marital affairs when you were growing up or if you have a history of infidelity you may have some underlying issues that need to be addressed to successfully enjoy a committed relationship.
Of course, everyone, even the happiest couples, can get harmless little crushes from time to time, but if your crush turns more serious, then you should question your current relationship. This is your chance to exit without serious consequences if there is a problem. You should especially question the status of your current relationship if this kind of thing keeps happening. If you occasionally really click with someone outside of your relationship and feel a harmless crush on him or her while knowing it won’t lead to anything, that’s one thing, but if you feel frequently embroiled in a one-sided love affair, then you have to wonder about the real reason behind your feelings.
It’s harder to relate to someone who has different goals, responsibilities, abilities, friend groups, and other ideas or traits that change with age. [2] X Research source A significant age gap involves an imbalance of power. A 16-year-old is much more experienced than a 12-year-old. A 46-year-old is much more experienced than a 25-year-old. The younger person may be (even inadvertently) pressured to do things they aren’t ready for. Even if they say they’re ready, hindsight might tell a different story, and they could get hurt. [3] X Research source If the younger person is a minor and the older person is an adult, then serious legal action could be taken against the older person. The older person may be perceived (incorrectly or correctly) as predatory.
Ask yourself, is the potential relationship with this person worth all the trouble you will endure, and what are the chances the relationship would survive all of the chaos that will ensue?
It’s not cool to try to steal your buddy’s girl. You might end up with her, but you will lose your friend. If you’re older, and the boy is a minor, you will be considered a cradle-robber —and on top of that, if you actually pursue that relationship into a sexual situation, you could be looking at jail. Sex with a minor is worse than inappropriate — it’s a crime. Sure, you may have a crush on your wife’s sister. But imagine what would happen if you did anything about it — would your wife ever be able to look you in the eye? Would her family ever forgive you?
For instance, the person you are crazy about may not be a very nice person. You start ditching your friends and family to spend time with her. She’s super flaky, and you become flaky, too — going back on your word because she wasn’t willing to do whatever it was you promised you’d do — and won’t let you do it, either. Even after you break up with her, everyone you know will still view you with distrust. They will question your judgment for ever getting involved with someone like that in the first place.
Write down a list of all of the negative qualities of your crush. If you really think your crush is perfect and you can’t think of a single thing that is wrong with him or her, then this means that you don’t know the person well enough. If you can’t think of a single thing wrong with your crush, then you have him or her up on a pedestal. One of the reasons your crush may be inappropriate is simply because the person is “bad” for you. Writing down the reasons why, such as the fact that the person abuses alcohol or is a known player, can help you see that, while you may get butterflies in your stomach when you see him, he’s no good for you in the long run.
At first, not thinking about your crush will be even harder because you’ll be so busy thinking about nothing thinking about him or her. But have faith — soon enough, you’ll be on your way to moving forward. Learn to redirect your thoughts. Train yourself to think about something else every time you start thinking about him/her — think about how much you love the person you’re with instead. Think about how much work you have to get done. If you’re at home, turn on the radio or TV, and get some other thoughts running through your head. If you still feel yourself reverting to thoughts of your forbidden crush, find someone to talk to; call a friend. Ask that friend if he or she wants to hang out — you can get out of the house and stop thinking about your crush! Throw yourself into a new hobby or an activity. Try tennis, yoga, writing short stories, or training for a 5K. Though these activities alone won’t make you forget your crush, they will bring more richness to your life and will help you think of other things.
At first, not thinking about your crush will be even harder because you’ll be so busy thinking about nothing thinking about him or her. But have faith — soon enough, you’ll be on your way to moving forward. Learn to redirect your thoughts. Train yourself to think about something else every time you start thinking about him/her — think about how much you love the person you’re with instead. Think about how much work you have to get done. If you’re at home, turn on the radio or TV, and get some other thoughts running through your head. If you still feel yourself reverting to thoughts of your forbidden crush, find someone to talk to; call a friend. Ask that friend if he or she wants to hang out — you can get out of the house and stop thinking about your crush! Throw yourself into a new hobby or an activity. Try tennis, yoga, writing short stories, or training for a 5K. Though these activities alone won’t make you forget your crush, they will bring more richness to your life and will help you think of other things.
Unfortunately, there are some cases where it would be quite hard to limit contact with the person entirely. If you have a crush on your married boss and it won’t go away, for example, you may have to consider looking for another job. If you have a crush on your professor and it won’t go away, see if you can switch into another class. If you do have to be in the same room as the person, try to minimize eye contact and conversation. You shouldn’t make things extra awkward by avoiding or ignoring the person entirely, but you should limit how much time you spend interacting. Do not look at their social media accounts.
Unfortunately, there’s no timeline for how long it takes to get over a crush. But if you go about living a busy and fulfilling life instead of spending all your time moping and pining, you’ll be guaranteed to get over it faster.
It doesn’t matter if that person does not measure up to your “wrong crush. " What does matter is that you spend some time in the pleasant company of someone other than that person. Start dating others, and keep an open mind. That person is off limits to you, and you have to start re-wiring your brain to think about being with someone else.
If she’s your brother’s girl, then you have to behave as a gallant gentleman, and never hit on her. If your brother breaks up with her, you can ask your brother if he’d mind you asking her out. Maybe he wouldn’t mind, and there certainly is precedent for it. If he doesn’t break up with her, or if he won’t give you permission, you’re out of luck unless you are prepared to accept the consequences — your brother may not speak to you. If you are falling for your subordinate, then you must decide what measures you should take at work before you pursue the relationship. You can transfer to another department or take on a different position, or do whatever you have to do at work so that your relationship would not be viewed as inappropriate or a power play.
