Look at your past and present crushes and relationships. Are you drawn to a particular type of a person? Do you tend to bounce from one crush to another? If you’ve ever had a relationship with your crush, was it healthy? Do you tend to have crushes even if you’re in a committed relationship? Own up to whether or not having crushes is detrimental to you. Avoid feelings of blame, directed towards yourself or others, in favor of simply addressing your own behavioral patterns over time.
Thinking about your crush while you are trying to work or do something else can be a sign that you’re focusing too much on them. Do you usually allow your feelings about a crush to distract you from work, school, or other relationships? If so, try consciously changing your focus if you notice your mind dwelling on crushes too much. Bring your attention back to whatever it was you were doing before you started thinking about your crush. Try taking 90 seconds to take a series of deep breaths, focusing only on your breathing. This can help you get thoughts of your crush out of your mind and return your brain to the present. [3] X Research source
Try thinking about your plans for the future, work that you have to get done, movies you want to see, or other things that you find engaging. Try to do activities that take up your attention. Avoid doing something that might let your mind wander back to thinking about your crush. Remember, it is normal to have crushes. It’s okay to occasionally indulge in a lighthearted crush. However, if having crushes is becoming a problem, keeping busy can help you from letting your feelings get out of control.
Your friends and family can be a great support system if you are having trouble dealing with a crush. Try talking with them if it feels overwhelming. If your crush is part of your group of friends, try hanging out with your friends individually for a while. Sometimes, the need to have crushes can be due to a lack of emotionally intimacy in other areas of your life. Working on building strong relationships with friends and family members may reduce your need to develop crushes.
Does having crushes make you feel less lonely or sad? If so, find other ways to deal during those moments. Try to, say, strengthen a platonic bond you have or work on a hobby or skill of your own. Feeling more secure about yourself and your relationships may lessen your need for strong crushes. It may be hard to stick to a plan at first, especially if you’re used to having a lot of crushes that get out of control. Know going into your plan you may feel sad and frustrated at times. However, try to also acknowledge these feelings will be worth it long term, as you won’t allow crushes to get out of control.
Do not feel guilty about having a crush, even if it’s on someone who’s not available. You cannot control how you feel. If you have romantic feelings for a married co-worker, for example, you may feel guilty. However, you are not choosing to have these feelings. The only thing you can control is your reactions. How people react to feelings defines their morality, not the feelings themselves. Try to say something to yourself like, “I have a crush on Brandon but he’s married. It’s not wrong to feel this way. I can’t help it. I’m not going to act on it, so I don’t need to become overwhelmed with guilt. "
It can be challenging. However, keeping a balanced opinion of your crush can help you cope. You don’t need to be mean, but finding things you don’t like about someone can help you stay neutral in your opinion of them. Remind yourself your crush has flaws, and the fantasy relationship you’re spinning is unlikely to work out as well in reality.
Remember, most crushes last for around four months. If you tend to have one crush after another, they’ll probably be in the four month range. Remind yourself your feelings may have an expiration date to help keep them in check. Crushes will fade in time, generally leaving you with thoughts like “I don’t know what I saw in them to begin with”. Remind yourself of this when you start obsessing over the person.
You may find that, after awhile, you rely on small gestures of attention or care from your crush to feel happy. This can easily backfire on you, leaving you reeling. Remind yourself that, while it’s nice to have a crush, only you can make yourself happy. You will have to learn to rely on your own hobbies, interests, and passions for happiness rather than another person.
Think about what your crushes are doing to you emotionally. Are you neglecting school work to obsess over various crushes? Do you have a new crush each week who you cannot live without thinking of constantly? Acknowledge that crushes are causing you more unhappiness and anxiety than anything. This can help you recognize you need to acknowledge underlying issues that drive your need to have frequent crushes.
Would you truly act on this crush and, if so, what would happen? There are often many reasons not to act on a crush. You may have a crush on someone from work. You may already be in a relationship. Thinking about what would happen if you acted on your crushes can help you trace patterns. Maybe you always develop crushes on unavailable people. This could say something about larger romantic patterns in your life. Maybe you crush on people you can’t have to avoid true intimacy.
Think about your last crush and what they represented to you. Consider the circumstances of your life at the time. Think about past crushes. Did they represent similar things? For example, maybe your last crush was on a married co-worker. The crush before that was on your boss, who office policy forbids you from dating. What did these people represent? In this case, your crushes are on people who you cannot really be with. Did you experience a bad breakup in the past? Maybe developing crushes on unobtainable people helps you feel romantic feelings without having to risk actual intimacy.
