Writing everything down will empty your mind of any baggage associated with the grudge. Getting out all of those thoughts will offer you more room to fill the space with positive thoughts and help you let go. [4] X Research source
Think about the effects the grudge has had on you. Do you find yourself not trusting other people? Do you find yourself acting irritable and angry more often? Are you experiencing physical issues like stomach pains or headaches? Have you changed your routines as a result of the offense? After you consider the grudge’s effects on you, ask yourself who it is helping for you to be experiencing all of that. Does it tell the offender anything? Is the offender bothered by it? Are you expecting to “get back” at the person somehow? How effective is the grudge? Is it just hurting you?
When you evaluate the situation, step back and consider if this grudge is worth your time to pursue or to continue dwelling on. Sometimes you can let go of the grudge without discussing the situation with the offender. Ask yourself if holding the grudge is about you or them. Extend compassion to whatever caused the wound, and let it go. After you understand exactly what took place and how you feel, find commonalities as to why your offender may have acted the way they did. Once you realize that you got in a fight with your friend because she just lost her job, it will be easier to let go of your hard feelings. [6] X Research source
When your offender apologizes, you can either accept it or explain that you are not over the situation yet. You can say something like, “Hey, Joe, remember last week when you told me the blue dress I wore was ugly? That really hurt my feelings, and I’ve been upset about it since. "
Don’t wait for someone else to apologize to you. That creates a sense of entitlement, and they may have no idea you are upset with them. [8] X Research source
Forgiving others also urges them to change their behavior in order to prevent future conflicts. [9] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
If it comes to mind, immediately think about something else or distract yourself with an activity like watching a movie or reading a book. [10] X Research source
Remind yourself that you only have control over your response to a situation, so you can’t do anything about how the other person feels. Reinforce these boundaries in your mind so that you don’t feel responsible for someone else’s feelings. To give up your grudge, you have to commit to forgiving the other person, starting with letting go of the negative emotions you attached to the situation. You will feel lighter and happier after getting this off your chest. [11] X Research source
When you do have expectations for a situation, tell the other person what they are so that they know what they need to do to satisfy those expectations. People who fail to tell the other person what they want are setting themselves up for disappointment because the other person cannot read their mind. When you don’t have expectations, you are less likely to get upset if someone doesn’t meet them, and therefore you are less likely to hold a grudge. [12] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
If you can’t date someone after they cheated on you, break up with them out of respect for yourself. Do something nice for yourself, like a relaxing bath or a walk in your favorite park. This will show yourself some love and rid your mind of lingering feelings regarding the grudge. [13] X Research source
