If you spend a lot of time thinking about a particular friend, character, or celebrity, chances are good that you’re trying to live through them. For example, if you basically live to meet up with this one friend who shares stories about his adventures overseas, you could be living life vicariously through him. [1] X Research source Try to find other ways you are living life through someone else. Do you persistently scan your social media pages looking for certain people’s updates? Are you distracted from work because you’re chatting with your best friend about her crazy nights out, when you always stay in? Pay attention to what you spend the most time doing. Many of these activities will be your triggers.
Most parents know to limit screen time for their kids. [2] X Research source But, the truth is, adults receive a great deal of unhealthy influence from social media, too. Do a digital detox and significantly reduce or completely remove your access to media for several days to help you stop living vicariously. Also, avoid checking social media first thing in the morning. This may end up setting a negative tone for your whole day.
Keep in mind that people’s social media profiles are carefully controlled by them to portray themselves the way they want people to see them. This means that they probably don’t provide a realistic portrayal of their lives. Remember—the ability to live for yourself comes from having self-love, acceptance of self, and a healthy level of self esteem. It doesn’t come from comparing yourself to others. [5] X Expert Source Giselle BaumetMindset & Wellness Coach Expert Interview. 13 December 2021.
If you spend a lot of time watching a specific show or following someone on social media, then see if you can identify and rank the priorities of these other people or characters to see what you like about their lives. Family? Career? Travel? Fitness? Self-care? What kind of media or entertainment are you most likely to get lost in? Do you love action movies, or can you spend hours looking at travel pictures? The things you admire can give you clues for what direction to go in your own life. [6] X Research source
Now, instead of wasting your time simply observing these people’s lives, why don’t you start using them to fuel your own dreams. Locate images of inspiring people, places, and phrases. Create a vision board with all these images attached. View it daily as motivation to accomplish your dreams. Remember that your life does not have to exactly replicate that of other people to be excellent. Use them as inspiration, but do not feel like a failure if your success looks different than theirs.
For instance, if travel inspires you, you could set a goal to visit Machu Picchu and hike in the Andes. If you want to get fit, a good goal might be to run a six-minute mile. Write down every goal you think of. You can always revise your list later.
Don’t be discouraged if you’re a long way from where you want to be. The people you admire had to work hard to create their lives, too. You may consider seeing a therapist. A therapist can help you to determine if you have any mental or emotional obstacles interfering with your goals
Consider choosing an initial goal that will positively impact multiple areas of your life. For instance, you might choose to improve your health first, because achieving everything else will be easier when you’re in good shape.
For instance, if you want to become a blogger, you could break your goal down into the steps of creating your website, establishing a posting schedule, and promoting your blog. If you are having a hard time breaking down your goals, then you might consider seeing a life coach. A life coach can help you make your goals more attainable, keep you accountable, and track your progress. You might also try announcing your goals, such as on social media. Announcing to others that you are pursuing goals is a good way of ensuring that you follow-through.
Make sure your time-frame is realistic. For instance, it’s not possible to learn a new language in thirty days, but you might be able to reach a conversational level in six months.
For example, if you’re writing a novel, your daily target might be to write 1000 words every day. Avoid trying to do too much at once. If you try to rush through your goal, you may just end up overwhelmed and frustrated.
