It can feel embarrassing to admit you’ve got an issue with pornography, but it’s the first step toward improving your habits and making positive change!
If you’re religious, you might see using porn as going against the teachings of your faith. When you feel stuck or like giving up, remember what inspired you to stop looking at porn in the first place.
Shred magazines and scratch or break DVDs before you toss them so you’re not tempted to dig them out of the trash bin later. Consider moving desktop or shared computers to common areas in your home so you’re less tempted to look up explicit material.
Consider turning off your internet when you know you won’t need it for work or other tasks to further remove the temptation. Filters or blockers are especially helpful at the beginning of your journey when resisting pornography feels the hardest. Some easy-to-use blockers include: Free or premium versions of Qustodio, which is compatible with any operating system except Linux. Microsoft Family Safety on Windows computers. Free or premium versions of Norton Family Online for Windows, iOS, and Android. The Christian site Covenant Eyes, which costs $10 per month and prevents the subscriber from bypassing the site blockages.
Try going on a short trip or vacation to break your old habits. It’s easier to begin new habits with a change of scenery. [6] X Research source Focus on boosting your physical and emotional health and your sense of self-worth. They’ll give you the confidence and strength to create a porn-free lifestyle. Keep in mind that your alternate activities may not feel as good to you as using porn, especially in the beginning. Stay strong and commit to your plan![7] X Research source
Common external triggers include: Unstructured alone time or traveling alone A breakup, argument with a partner, or an emotionally or physically unavailable partner Unexpected sexual stimuli like provocative billboards or encountering an attractive person Unexpected life changes or experiences (positive or negative) Drug or alcohol use Common internal triggers include: Loneliness or boredom Fear, anxiety, stress, or frustration Low self-esteem or feelings of shame An unmet need for validation or affection Sadness, grief, or unresolved anger and resentment
Use positive distractions when mindfulness doesn’t work. Try alternate activities or carry an interesting book or game with you when you’re on the go. Avoid triggers you’re unable to cope with. Take an alternate route to work to avoid a provocative billboard, or turn off movies with sexual scenes.
Self-nurturing: Practice self-care and focus on activities and environments that facilitate healthy interactions with other people. Sensuousness: Stimulate all of your senses and indulge in behaviors and environments that make you notice colors, sounds, feelings, tastes, and smells. General relationship intimacy: Simply enjoy hanging out with others without being sexual. Partner intimacy: Spend time with your significant other (if you have one) without any sexual activity. Non-genital physical touch: Make you and your partner feel good without sexual stimulation, like snuggling, hand holding, kissing, or back rubs. Genital sexuality: Enrich and sustain sexual contact and emotional intimacy during sex (for example, holding eye contact while making love). Spiritual intimacy: Start thinking of sex as an expression of your feelings and your connection to your partner.
Avoid using your spouse or partner as an accountability buddy since they likely have a deeper emotional interest in your progress than a friend. Look for someone who listens to you when you struggle, gives you encouragement, holds you accountable, and problem-solves with you. Check in with your accountability partner regularly and honestly, open up when you backtrack, and celebrate your successes with them. Remember that you are ultimately responsible for breaking your porn habits, even if you have a wonderful support system to help you. [12] X Research source
Look for a group that matches your values, whether it’s a faith-based organization or a more social group. Choose a group that meets frequently and start attending meetings as soon as possible to get the most out of the support group experience.
If your relationship or partner has been impacted by your pornography usage, consider signing up for couples therapy or relationship counseling. [16] X Research source
You may also catch yourself lying to your partner or others about how much porn you regularly watch. There’s no consensus among psychologists about whether a porn habit should be described as an addiction or not.
Porn users might feel depression or exhaustion as they struggle to keep up with their regular routine because of their porn habits. When porn takes priority, it’s a major sign that it’s starting to impact your life negatively. You don’t have to have an official addiction to be affected.
People may develop a pornography habit to reduce stress, cure boredom, feel good, cope with negative feelings, or avoid withdrawal symptoms. [21] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.
Some people engage in these behaviors safely and consensually without a porn problem, and these behaviors aren’t problematic by themselves. Communicate what you’d like to try in the bedroom with your partner beforehand and to respect their boundaries around what they’re willing to do.
You may struggle to see these changes yourself or not believe your partner when they bring them to your attention.
For example, you may lose a job because you watched porn at work, but then continue to watch it at your new job.
If you’re in a relationship, both you and your partner may experience a decrease in sexual satisfaction and emotional closeness as a result.
Men who watch too much porn are more likely to subconsciously develop misogynistic attitudes than men who abstain or watch in moderation. All of these skewed beliefs and behaviors lead to insecure attachments to other people, romantically and sexually. Remember that there’s nearly always a director or videographer on the other side of the camera (typically a man) controlling what happens on-screen.
The lack of patience can also lead to fantasizing or obsessing about sex with random strangers they encounter throughout their day.
Too much porn use might lead to feelings of isolation, a disruption of normal attachment behavior, and trouble forming stable, satisfying relationships.
