Do you lie as a way to gain control over situations? When you can see a clear path to getting what you want through telling a lie, telling the truth is tough. Maybe you routinely lie as a way to make other people do what you want them to do. Do you lie as a way to make yourself look better? The pressure to compete inundates us from the moment we are able to comprehend what it means. Lying is an easy way to boost your status at work, in your social circle, and even with your loved ones. Maybe you lie as a way to comfort yourself. Telling the truth is often very difficult; it causes tension, awkwardness, and discomfort. Lying to others, and sometimes to yourself as well, prevents you from having to confront uncomfortable situations and feelings.
To feel like an upright person again. When you lie, you distance yourself from reality. You hide parts of yourself and project something false to the world. Doing this repeatedly is going to have a negative effect on your sense of goodness and self worth. You deserve the relief of being able to tell the truth about yourself to the world. You are worth getting to know for who you really are. Regaining the ability to take pride in your true identity is probably the most important reason to stop lying. To connect with others again. Lying to other people prevents true connection from taking place. Good relationships are based on people’s ability to share themselves with others. The more you mutually reveal, the closer you get. If you’re not able to be honest with other people, it’s going to have a negative effect on your ability to make friends and feel truly part of a community. To gain back other people’s trust. Lying may not cause physical harm but when serves to manipulate other people’s behavior, it whittles away at their free will and their right to make choices based on truth. If the people you know have caught you in a lie, they’ll protect themselves from further manipulation by no longer placing their trust in you. The only way to gain back someone’s trust is to start being honest, and continue being honest until they trust your word again. This could take years, so it’s a good idea to start now.
Work with a therapist. Talking with someone with a background in psychology and experience helping people who have gone through the same thing will be extremely valuable as you transition from frequent lying to honesty. Talk to the people you’re close to. Certain people in your life will want to help you stop lying, even if they’ve been hurt before by your dishonesty. If you feel comfortable doing so, tell your parents, siblings, or a close friend about your plan to stop lying, so they can provide some support. Join a support group. Talking with other people who understand exactly what you’re going through is invaluable. Look for an online support group or a group that meets in person in your community.
Do you tend to lie when you’re feeling a certain way? Maybe you’re anxious about doing well in school or at work, for example, and you lie to temporarily ease that emotion. Figure out ways to handle your anxiety differently. Do you lie to particular people? Maybe you tell your dad falsehoods instead of dealing with his reaction to your poor grades. You’ll have to learn to deal with this particular trigger in a healthier way.
If someone directly asks you a question you don’t feel you can answer truthfully, it’s fine to tell them you’d rather not answer the question. It might make things a little awkward, but it’s still better than telling a lie. Avoid situations that have typically made you feel you have to say something untrue. Big group conversations in which everyone brags about accomplishments, for example, can stir up the need to “keep up” by lying. Pay attention to the physical symptoms telling you that you are about to tell a lie. You might cast your eyes down and feel your heart beating faster; when you feel this happening, disengage from the situation so you won’t tell a lie.
Try practicing with strangers, or in an online forum. Telling the truth to people with whom you don’t have a relationship can be freeing, since it has no consequences. When it comes to people you know, practice being honest by talking about neutral subjects you feel confident discussing. Offer true opinions, or start with basic information about what your plans are for the weekend or what you ate for breakfast. If you have trouble talking about yourself, discuss the news, local politics, sports, philosophy, business ideas, a recipe you tried, your favorite show, a band you want to see, the other person’s life, your dog, or the weather. The point is to practice saying things that are true.
Prepare to deal with other people’s reactions. Maybe hearing the truth causes someone to make a negative comment or have a reaction you don’t like. Even if this happens, you can be proud that you told the truth, and know you’re dealing with problems with strength and honesty instead of using the easy way out. Work on building trust with people who may not believe you at first. If you have been caught lying a lot to a particular person, it may take a while before they believe you are telling the truth. Keep working at it since the only way in the world to gain back trust is to keep being honest. The next time you tell a lie, you are back at square one.
Learn how to disrupt the patterns by addressing anxiety at its root. If you’re faced with a life event that is making you anxious, and about which you don’t feel comfortable telling the truth, learn how to deal with your anxiety in a different way. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you slip. Being honest is difficult, and we all slip from time to time. Remember that there’s only one way to correct the problem: don’t lie. Keep being honest. Don’t let the pattern take over your life.
Recognizing honesty in other people can be helpful when you’re trying to live an honest life. Who do you admire? Ask yourself what he or she would do or say if you’re having trouble coming up with the most honest approach. Seek out other honest role models - spiritual leaders, honorable characters in literature, philosophers, leaders of social movements, and so on. Everyone fails to be honest sometimes, but honorable people pick themselves up keep trying to do the right thing with every challenge.
It is never too late to become an honest person. You can tell your partner that you have not been honest about a few things. [7] X Research source If you have been lying for a while, it is better to tell them as soon as possible. It can help to rectify the situation. [8] X Research source
