Do your triggers tend to be more visual or more verbal? Men, for example, tend to be more turned on by visual stimuli,[1] X Research source while women might be more affected by verbal ones.
First thing in the morning. During a particular class, like gym, yoga, etc. On the bus. When you’re supposed to be studying or working. When you’re around someone you like. In bed.
Get rid of pornographic videos, magazines, calendars, and other materials at home and in places you frequently visit. To the best of your ability, avoid watching pornography. If you have a firewall guard in your computer, try to enable parental controls, and put the profile to teen so you won’t accidentally stumble across any pornography. Parental controls don’t have to be just for kids, and you can set them up on all your browsers and other devices. [2] X Research source
Try thinking about neutral pleasant topics like scenic outdoor views, underwater scenes, puppies, sports bloopers, or chess strategy. You could think of cold-related topics like big and bulky clothing, snow, or winter.
Find something to do immediately as a diversion. If you’re always dwelling on sex during idle bus rides, for example, make a special effort to do something else during your ride, like finishing some homework, reading a new book, or talking to a friend. Or, if you start thinking about sex at boring points in a class, a meeting, or at work, for example, you might start taking notes. By keeping your pen moving, you’ll have to stay focused on the conversation at hand and not what’s going on in your mind. Keep discussion topics top of mind. If you can’t run into a particular person without thinking about sex and getting embarrassed, come up with three specific things you want to ask them next time you see them. You could also come up with more thought-provoking topics that apply to most people, such as those surrounding current events, global affairs, the environment, or even politics. [3] X Research source
If you need help remembering your commitment, wear a piece of jewelry or a simple string around your wrist that will remind you to power through the temptation to get lost in sexual thought. Tell someone about your goal. Telling a trusted friend or family member about your efforts is a good way to help you stay accountable. Have them check in with you regularly to see that you’re doing okay and to provide help or suggestions, if needed. Reward yourself for keeping your commitment. This should be pretty straightforward. You could reward yourself with a favorite dessert, a shopping trip, or something else you like.
Writing, including journaling. Singing, playing a musical instrument, or spinning. Painting, drawing, or sculpting. Knitting or sewing.
Be sure to find a movie that won’t remind you of sex, and stay clear of steamy romance novels or sexy illustrations. Most animated, action, adventure, thriller, or mystery films and books could work here.
Consider attending a live performance, such as a concert, musical, play, lecture, or reading. You might also go to a museum, a new exhibit, an aquarium, or a zoo.
Exercise provides a natural endorphin rush. Endorphins provide a generally good feeling, and help relieve depression. [6] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source During sex, endorphins are also released, along with other chemicals like the hormone oxytocin. [7] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Ergo, exercise can be a good substitute for sexual activity.
Choose the right type of sport and team. Of course, you may still be attracted to someone else on your team or in your league, but you should be able to determine whether the benefits of playing outweigh the risk of worsening your thoughts about sex. You might also try joining a single-sex team or a different league, for example.
If you’re sexually active, communicate with your partner to maintain a healthy and open sexual relationship that keeps you both fulfilled. Communication doesn’t have to be just verbal, either. You can write your partner notes. As a couple, you could also read a book together or watch a film that shows or articulates your thoughts. [9] X Research source And if you’re reluctant to communicate with your partner about sex, remember that communication itself is a turn on. [10] X Research source If you’re not sexually active, it’s equally important to communicate. If you’re thinking about sex more than you’d like to even though you’re not sexually active, is it because there’s something lacking or frustrating about your sex life? Talk to your partner openly and truthfully. You also want to make sure your expectations are aligned with your partners. You should know if and when, for example, your partner wants to begin having sex, and he should know when you want to have sex as well.
Talk to other family members. If you do not wish to speak with your parents, consider talking to an older sibling or a cousin. They might be able to relate to you better since they’re closer in age.
Some specialists charge a fee, but look to see if your insurance covers all or part of your visits. If you’re a student or have comprehensive workplace benefits, you may be able to consult a specialist at little or no cost. Whether you pay or not, your visit and specific concerns will be kept confidential, and your therapist can explain confidentiality further with you. Knowing how to address any obsessive thought, sexual or otherwise, is something they can help you learn to deal with. There is also much less of a stigma today to speaking with therapists, and you might be surprise about the people who regularly see a specialist. So, you shouldn’t hesitate for social reasons about visiting one. If you suspect your overwhelming thoughts may be a kind of sexual addiction, seek help from a licensed sex therapist and treat those symptoms as well. Don’t let an obsession turn into destructive or dangerous behavior.
