Painful emotions cannot simply be swept under the rug. In fact, you will find it much easier to move past your hurt if you confront your emotions without judgement. [3] X Research source Trying to suppress your thoughts will only make them stronger. You may even begin to dream about your ex if you don’t allow yourself to experience your thoughts and emotions. [4] X Research source Cry if you want. It feels better when you let all that out, instead of keeping it bottled up inside you forever.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a loved one about the breakup, consider seeing a therapist or joining an online support group. It might also help to have an imaginary conversation with your ex about all of your pent-up grievances. This will allow you to talk through all of your feelings without actually having to have contact with your ex, and may help you find closure. [6] X Research source
When dealing with recurring thoughts, it’s helpful to confront them head-on. Think about why you are having the thought, how the thought may be distorted or untrue, and what kind of negative effect the thought is having on you in the moment. The more you acknowledge your ruminations, the easier it will be to let go of them.
It will also help to ask yourself what your role was in causing the breakup, as this might help you let go of some anger.
A therapist can help by listening to you, encouraging you to confront your feelings, and teaching you new ways to do with your pain.
You can try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you think about your ex. You can write down the thoughts you are having about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away. You can try a visualization exercise, which requires you to visualize a specific scene whenever a thought of your ex occurs to you. For example, you could think of a stop sign in order to remind yourself that you need to stop what you are doing. If you do this consistently, the association should become automatic.
If you don’t allow for any healing time, you may continue to think of your ex as your partner because your bond as a couple will not have been broken. Take a moment to think about why you want to be friends. If it’s because you’re scared about living your life without your ex, you may be using it as a way to avoid dealing with the grief of the breakup. Most people do not end up being friends with their exes. Don’t feel bad if it just doesn’t feel right, even after you’ve had your time to grieve.
If you don’t want to throw items away, consider donating them to charity. Remove any pictures of your ex from your house. If you lived together and you can’t get rid of all of your shared belongings, it might help to revitalize your space with some new energy by changing the paint color or reorganizing the furniture. This will help it feel like your own place instead of the place you shared with your ex.
If your social life revolved around your ex, it’s important to get out there and make new friends. Try joining clubs or participating in volunteer activities to meet new people. If you relied on your ex for emotional support, try relying on someone other than a romantic partner for this kind of support, like a best friend or a sibling. You might be surprised to discover just how much support you really have![13] X Research source Staying busy really will help you move on faster. If you find yourself thinking obsessively about your ex when you are at home alone, come up with something to do, whether it’s having dinner with a friend, visiting a museum by yourself, or going for a walk. [14] X Research source
Try to enjoy your present-day life as well. Even though you may want to be in a relationship, there are lots of benefits to being single too, so try to enjoy it while it lasts.
Meditating might help you regain your positivity and let go of the stress associated with your breakup.
Some people struggle with continuing to think about their exes even though they are in new, healthy relationships. If this is the case for you, it will do no good to simply try to suppress those thoughts. Instead, actively replace the thought with a memory of a time when you felt a lot of love for your current partner. Love is a strong emotion that can help you resist the temptation to contact your ex. [18] X Research source
