You might do something like stepping away from the situation, journaling, listening to music or taking a hot bath. Consider developing regular self-calming rituals to help prevent frequent upsets.
Don’t try to control anyone with your emotions or guilt someone into doing something for you.
Exercise has been proven to ease anxiety. Talking on the phone to someone you trust is helpful as well. Breathe deeply when you are having an anxious moment and then release it all slowly. Sometimes, people’s behaviors are harmful to you and your anxiety arises from that harm rather than a need to control. Stay away from people who make you tense or hurt you.
For instance, if your mom won’t go with you to a movie, don’t try to force her. Reach out to friends or other family instead or reschedule with your mom. Step outside for a few moments or take a walk and do some deep breathing. Take a shower or a bath. Do what you can personally to make things better.
You might watch a few funny clips on YouTube or a funny TV show. Do a puzzle or play a relaxing game on your phone.
Ask people to do things for you rather than requiring them to. You might say, for instance, “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t leave your dirty clothes on the floor anymore. I like to keep the floor clean. ”
Rely on those you trust but do not negate or override your own independence out of laziness or a desire to control. When in doubt, try spending some quality time by yourself until you can recenter.
For instance, if you are dating someone who sometimes insults you, tell them that that is unacceptable to you, but don’t try to force them to be kind. Leave any relationship or friendship that is more hurtful than uplifting. You might say something like “Sometimes, I feel insulted by you, especially when you call me names. I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that anymore. ”
Talk to your siblings if you feel comfortable. Talk to long-standing friends who knew you in your childhood.
For instance, perhaps you are upset that your friend did not call you back when they said they would and now you are calling them repeatedly. Forcing them to speak to you when they might be busy is controlling. Allow them to call you back when they are ready to talk.
Ask them how they feel they are being controlled and cease your controlling behavior immediately. Work on your language. For example, ask “Would you consider cooking dinner for me once a week? It would mean a lot to me. "
Write down a list of why you like them. This could include things like being intellectual, kind, or funny. Compare the positive list with the things that bother you. How does it stack up?
For instance, maybe you want a coworker to go to lunch with you but they refuse. Rather than forcing them, accept their ‘no’. They might be having some financial issues or wish to be alone.
Perhaps you meet a coworker who is anti-abortion, but you are pro-choice. That same coworker may have had an abortion that has rendered her unable to have children, so don’t judge her for beliefs she formed from experiences that you have not had. Say to them “Though I don’t necessarily agree with you, I can understand your perspective and I respect your ideas. ”
Remember that everyone is different and prone to making differing choices.
