Arguing related to his drinking Covering up or hiding his drinking from friends and family Drinking to reduce relationship stress Domestic violence Drinking in order to show affection
Neglecting work or home responsibilities because of drinking or hangovers Binge drinking or drinking more than intended Lying about or covering up the amount that he drinks Blacking out Continuing to drink even when it’s causing problems Self-medicating to cope with anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder
Try talking while doing a quiet activity you both enjoy together, like going for a walk or playing a board game. This will give him easy opportunities to pivot the conversation if he’s not ready to have it and minimize the chance of emotional outbursts. Plus, the quality time will help build trust that you have his best interests at heart. [4] X Research source
“Are you worried about your drinking?” “I’m worried about your drinking. ” “Do you drink more than you mean to sometimes?” “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more frequently lately. ”
End each talk with ”I’m always here if you do want to talk about it” to show your support and keep the door open for future conversations. [7] X Research source Don’t push the issue or start an argument if he is not ready to talk. Let the situation breath and use the downtime between conversations to reach out to an addiction professional or research support services for him or yourself. [8] X Research source
For example, “Why did you feel the need to drink so much last night?” will draw a more detailed and emotional answer from him than “Did you mean to drink that much?” You can also phrase your questions as statements to get a conversation going. Try something like, “Tell me how you feel when you decide to start drinking. ” Avoid asking simple “yes” or “no” questions. He’s less likely to open up and may feel interrogated instead of cared for.
Calmly acknowledge his feelings while expressing your concern if he dismisses you. Try something like, “I understand you don’t want to hear about this right now, but I want you to know that I’m still worried about you. ” Don’t take a negative reaction personally. Give him time to process your concerns and try again later. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Tell him something like, “I’m worried that you’re hurting yourself by drinking so much. I want you to be alive and healthy for as long as possible. ” Watching his health stats improve can also be a huge motivator for him to stay sober and continue making healthy choices.
It’s normal to want to protect someone you love from embarrassment or harm. Remember that he is the only one responsible for his behavior, and it is up to him to change. [18] X Research source
It’s vital that everyone involved is coming from a place of concern and doesn’t use the opportunity to vent or erupt at your boyfriend. Make a plan of what to say together and ask everyone to stick to the plan. If you’re not confident planning the meeting yourself, consult an addiction specialist beforehand for advice or even to run the meeting.
Support your own mental health by communicating your feelings, making healthy choices, and celebrating your small wins. [24] X Research source There are support groups and resources available for people struggling with a loved one’s alcohol use. Reach out to an addiction professional, your doctor, or your therapist for recommendations. [25] X Research source
Be prepared for relapses and hard moments. The road to recovery is not a straight line, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for any setbacks he experiences along the way.
