Not responding is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it takes more strength and willpower to resist lashing out at your brother. Remember that you have to pick and choose your battles. You can’t engage with your brother every single time he annoys you, especially if he’s not very communicative. If you don’t give your brother the response he wants (getting upset or irritated), he’ll tire himself out eventually and give up on it.
Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Keep your focus on your breathing pattern to calm down quickly. Try counting to 10 before responding. Take deep breaths in and out during that 10-second count and try to think about how to express yourself calmly and rationally. Go for a short walk or leave the room for a few minutes if you need to compose yourself for longer than 10 seconds. Let your brother know you’ll be right back, and think about what you want to say and how best to say it.
Say something like, “I think I understand where you’re coming from. You’re saying you feel left out when I play video games without you, and you want to be included. " In this scenario, you might suggest that you finish up your one-player game for the next 30 minutes, and then play a two-player game with your brother after that. Recognize that no one is going to get their way all the time. The goal is to come up with something that both you and your brother feel somewhat satisfied with, even if it’s not the solution you’d hoped for.
Doing something fun together should take your brother’s attention away from being annoying pretty quickly, and it might help the two of you bond over the shared experience. Try going for a walk or riding bikes together (if you’re still young, make sure you get your parents’ permission first), or do something indoors like watching a movie, putting together a puzzle, or playing video games together.
Know that your brother probably isn’t trying to hurt your feelings. Some people (especially at a younger age) just don’t know any better. Remember that by letting your brother’s behavior upset you, you’re giving him all the power. If he sees that he’s bothering you, he’s more likely to keep up with the annoying/hurtful behavior.
Think about your situation and the times your brother has lashed out at you with annoying behavior. Is it possible he’s jealous of your grades, your possessions, or your lifestyle? Say something like, “I’ve noticed that every time I play on my Nintendo Switch, you get upset. Are you jealous that I got a Switch for Christmas and you didn’t?” Or, “Are you upset that Mom and Dad put my math test on the fridge? You could put your history test that you aced up there too!”
You might say, “I know I won a soccer trophy, but you made your team, and that’s great! I’m older than you, so I’ve had more practice at this. ” Or, “I got 100% on that test, but you have straight As right now! You should be proud. ” Realize that your sibling may genuinely want to spend time with you and don’t know how to ask for that time in a prosocial way. In this case, simply giving him some attention may help.
If your brother is jealous of your good grades, offer to help him study. If he’s jealous of the fact that you’re better at him in sports, spend some time playing catch or practicing with him to help him improve. If he’s jealous that you have a significant other and he doesn’t, offer to help him ask someone out (if he’s old enough to date). No matter what it is your brother is jealous of, the point is to show him that he’s not limited to what he currently has. If you offer to help him get the thing that he wants, he’ll be even more receptive to changing his present situation.
Picking on a sibling is normal. However, if your brother continues to torment you about the same topic over several days or weeks, it might be bully behavior. If your brother doesn’t apologize or try to make up with you after a fight, or continues to show hostility towards you at all times, it’s a sign of bullying. If you think your brother is legitimately bullying you, talk to a parent right away.
Have your parents sit down with both of you individually, then together to moderate a family discussion. Encourage your parents to try and find a solution that makes everyone happy. Ideally, you should be able to arrive at some type of win/win situation. If you were unsuccessful at reaching a compromise on your own with your brother, your parents’ final say in the matter should resolve the conflict.
Your parents may not be aware of the situation, or may not realize its extent. It’s easy for parents to get caught up between work and family distractions. Make a point of bringing problems to your parents’ attention when you haven’t been able to resolve those issues on your own.
Sometimes getting out of the house and having a positive, shared experience can help you bond with a sibling. At the very least, a group outing should distract your brother from his problematic behavior. You can use the time with your family to find things that make everyone happy, and try to incorporate those elements into your everyday lives.
Let your parents know that you value the time you and your family spend together, but that you need more time by yourself or with your friends. Remind your parents that you and your brother can still be close while spending more time apart. If anything, it will make the time you do spend together be of greater quality.
Suggest hiring a babysitter. If your parents are resistant to the idea, you could at least ask for some type of extra allowance or compensation for babysitting. You might try suggesting that you could continue to babysit your brother once or twice each week if you get to have the weekends to yourself without your brother. It’s best to have this conversation without your brother present, as he may have hurt feelings or voice objections. Younger children often have a hard time understanding why someone older might have more responsibility or freedom.
Tell your brother to stop. If he won’t listen, try getting your parents involved. Try inviting friends over when you know your brother won’t be home or will be busy with his friends.
Say something like, “I know we don’t have a ton of extra space. But I’m getting older, and I’d like it if we could try to find a way for me to have my own room so I can have more privacy. " When you talk to your parents and make your request, frame the petition as an issue of privacy. It’s much easier for a parent to make arrangements if it ensures privacy, rather than simply to solve a short-term dispute. If your family is limited by space, you may be able to rearrange a room to allow for you to have your own space. [16] X Research source Set up dividers or split the room in half to give you and your brother some privacy.
