Stalkers can be either men or women, and anyone can be a victim. If you are at all concerned about your ex and what he or she might do, it is not a sign of weakness to accept that. Only when doing that will you be able to stop it. Don’t worry about overreacting. If you feel scared, worried, or angered about someone else’s behavior, you don’t need to tolerate it. If you are concerned, act quickly. [1] X Research source
You cannot reason with a stalker. This person has already decided that they will follow you, no matter what you say. This kind of reaction will only encourage them to continue trying, or to try even harder, to stay in touch with you.
When you tell others, be careful not to demonize your stalker. You only need to let others know about them, not tell them how terrible they are. Unless something dangerous has already happened, demonizing them can only help to escalate the situation with others. In addition to your circle of friends, consider talking to a group like HAVEN, which can provide support, encouragement, and legal advice for someone facing a stalker or other abusive relationship. [3] X Research source
If you are concerned that your ex has access to your computer, or other means of manipulating an online list, consider writing these events down in a journal. This can be more permanent, and less susceptible to outside tampering. [4] X Research source Texts, emails, and phone calls are not evidence of stalking by themselves. While you can prove that the email came from your ex’s address, that doesn’t mean that they sent it. You should still hold on to these, as they can be helpful evidence when building a case for a restraining order.
You will need to include an affidavit that explains what your stalker has been doing. This is where your record of his actions can be helpful. Since this is a legal document, you may want to consult a lawyer when filing the order. Of course, lawyers can be expensive, so you can also reach out to a domestic violence hotline, or other staff members in the courthouse about your options. Of course, a restraining order is only a legal document and not a guarantee. It can make it easier to arrest and prosecute, but won’t actually stop them from stalking you. You will still need to be alert and prepared to defend yourself.
Some self-defense techniques are as simple as staying alert when you walk around or having your car keys out and ready so you aren’t searching for them in the parking lot. Don’t let your inattention be an opening for someone else. Look for self-defense classes offered in your area. You can probably find them through police departments or local schools. In addition, basic training in some form of martial arts can give you the skills and confidence to defend yourself, at least long enough to escape to a safer place. If you haven’t learned new techniques, or aren’t comfortable using them, having something like pepper spray on you is a good back-up plan.
Look for things you can easily change, like places you shop and eat, or things like the gym you go to. Try to find different ways to get to your important locations, so your stalker can’t track you along the way. While you probably can’t change your school and work hours, it can never hurt to ask, especially if you are concerned for your safety. If you do need to make drastic changes to your schedule, keep paper records of the financial effect this has on you. This can be good evidence for legal proceedings, and can even be the basis for financial reimbursement if the changes are serious enough. [6] X Research source
Make sure your new password is secure. The traditional advice is to make your password a combination of upper and lower case letters, numbers, and symbols. Keep your passwords in a secure place, and only enter them on secure websites. [8] X Research source Another way you can create a strong password is to take the first letter of each word, plus numbers and symbols, in two simple sentences. For example, the phrase “My first pet was a dog named Fido. Got him in 1993. " would become the password “MfpwadnF. Ghi1993. " It is long and has a mixture of upper and lower case letters, numbers, and symbols. Since it doesn’t read as any word that would appear in a dictionary, it is harder for someone else to figure out. Plus, since it can refer to a sentence only you know, it should be easier for you to remember. [9] X Research source
If your ex is particularly tech-savvy, they may try to use a virus or Trojan horse application to track your movements and computer activity without getting on your actual computer. Use the anti-virus software to keep your computer clean, and get rid of anything that might be used to follow your activity.
Update your privacy settings so that only your friends are allowed to see your posts. After your break-up, unfriend your ex so that they cannot track you through the network. Make sure to ignore all friend requests from them. Be very careful about adding new friends, especially people who know your ex, as your ex could keep an eye on you through them. Don’t be afraid to unfriend other mutual friends, especially if you are concerned that your ex will use them to track you. It may feel mean, but that is not important. Your safety is what comes first, and you cannot overreact to a stalker. Don’t make posts that clearly show your whereabouts or anything that would let your ex find you quickly. This means avoiding obvious landmarks like your workplace, school, street signs, or anything else that would let someone who knows you figure out where you are.
Run your name through a search engine to see what is connected to you. If you find information about yourself that you would not like publicly available, get rid of it. That may mean asking your friends to remove social media posts that tag you.
Regularly belittling you, putting you down, or discouraging your dreams and personal growth. Trying to cut you off from your friends and family. Getting jealous when you do something without them, especially with others. Constantly checking up on you, wondering where you are and what you are up to. This certainly isn’t a guarantee that you will be stalked, but it can be a warning sign that your ex might try after the break-up.
While you may be tempted to let your ex down easily, you need to be firm and clear that you want to end the relationship. A potential stalker will use any potential opening as an excuse to continue following you, so don’t give one. [15] X Research source If you are fearful of the other person’s reaction, make sure to break up in a public place. While this generally isn’t a nice idea, you shouldn’t be alone if you are concerned for your safety. Your security comes first. [16] X Research source
This includes social media. Delete pictures or other items of the two of you together and block your ex. This will help prevent her from stalking you, and make it easier to move on by removing the means to stalk her in response. [17] X Research source
If you aren’t going to be able to get your keys back, it is a good idea to change your locks. You shouldn’t allow such easy access into your home to someone you don’t want to see anymore. [18] X Research source
