When they are looking for a place to sit, suggest one with minimal distractions (e. g. facing away from a noisy kitchen) Move conversations to quiet places Designate an area where the autistic person can retreat during stress, and fill it with calming things
Help them create a schedule. Time slots can be used to designate what activities will happen during each part of the day. Maintain a visual calendar. Place it in a prominent and accessible location, such as a wall in the family room. Illustrations (clip art or drawings) can make the calendar look more friendly and appealing
For example, a dentist’s appointment may change your loved one’s schedule. Put this event on your loved one’s calendar and discuss it with them ahead of time. While they might not be happy about their schedule being changed, they will at least be prepared. Try to place activities at specific time slots. For example, if they have math meets on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3:00, plan something else at 3:00 (e. g. a family hike) so that they will always have some sort of activity at the time.
Remember that your idea of relaxation may not match their idea of relaxation. During a schedule change, try to schedule something positive after the stressful change. For example, after a doctor appointment, let your son have free time until supper.
Communicate with your loved one about the stimuli. Notice what causes discomfort, or ask. They may potentially be able to express discomfort, or give you clues. Pinpoint what the issues are, and try to find ways around them. For example, if your teenage sister cannot handle the sharp taste of toothpaste, try helping her pick out a milder flavor (e. g. children’s bubble gum) toothpaste at the store.
Avoid experimental or compliance-based therapy. The autistic person should be able to say “no” and take breaks. Therapy should not involve crying, screaming, violence, or pleading for help. If you suspect that a therapy is overwhelming, frightening, or painful, stop it. [3] X Research source If you are not an adult, tell an adult, or report it to the authorities.
Autistic people may do better in individual sports, or in non-competitive environments. Even taking regular walks can be good for your loved one.
Autistic people may do better in individual sports, or in non-competitive environments. Even taking regular walks can be good for your loved one.
Choose toys related to the interest Discuss their interest for a comfortable time period, e. g. during a car ride (You can also model reciprocal conversation by asking questions) Help them learn more via library books Suggest that they join clubs and activities related to the interest, since socializing may be less threatening if they like the conversation topic
For example, going to a restaurant can be very chaotic for a child. Sometimes removing them from the environment for a few minutes is enough to help them stay relaxed.
Frustration Having too many verbal instructions given to them at one time. Witnessing injustice Painful/overwhelming stimuli Changes in routine Not being able to understand or communicate effectively
Take them outside for a break. Get them away from crowds or other stressors. Avoid placing demands on them. If other people are doing so, ask them to give the autistic person a break.
Don’t hold their needs hostage. Even if they don’t use their words or say please properly, assume that it is urgent. You can coach them on proper delivery when they aren’t on the verge of tears.
Avoid crowds or staring people. Ask them to stop it, or get the autistic person somewhere less public.
Offer a rocking chair (if available) Bring their favorite stim toys and/or a weighted blanket. Ask about a stim that they like to use for self-calming (e. g. “Do you want to flap your arms?”) Offer a bear hug Do not judge them for looking unusual, and if anyone else objects to the autistic person’s self-calming efforts, use your words or a sharp stare to let them know that this is unacceptable
If a crowded store sends your daughter into tears, try planning the trip when the store will be less crowded, bringing earplugs and stim toys, or letting them stay at home. If news of a violent attack triggered a meltdown in your brother, suggest to your parents that they not leave the news on at night, and help him with relaxation exercises.
Don’t expect eye contact. Autistic people often pay attention better when they don’t have to look at people’s eyes. Expect fidgeting and unusual movements. Learn your loved one’s baseline, and what their unique body language means.
For example, your loved one’s tone may seem short and rude, yet they may be in a fantastic mood. Watching their stims may offer cues. For example, if a boy only flaps his hands when he is happy, then this is probably a reliable sign that nothing is actually wrong. Even if they are upset, it may not be your fault. For example, a barking dog may have been putting them on edge all day.
They may be unable to remember spoken lists, and need written and/or illustrated lists as well. Give them time to think and process. They may be slower to respond. They may be better at reading and writing than at handling spoken conversation.
If a room is crowded, move elsewhere. Try using AAC if you cannot move (e. g. sign language, picture charts, or typing).
Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) is a popular form. Not all social skills groups teach useful skills. For example, if your gay teen’s social skills group focuses on heteronormativity, this is not helpful.
Practicing deep breathing[14] X Research source Counting to feel calm Holding a favorite toy or item until she feels better Certain stims Yoga, meditation, or stretching Taking a break with music or singing
Reinforce this behavior by immediately honoring the request. If they are just learning how to do this, thank them for speaking up. “Thank you for letting me know that the loud noise hurt your ears! Now I can help you find earplugs, and you can wait outside with your brother while I check out. "
If the child does not understand basic expressions, try teaching them with flash cards. Ask “How do you think this character is feeling right now?” during books or movies. Offer suggestions if the person isn’t sure. Also try social skills: “Do you think it was a good idea for her to do that? No? What would be a good idea?” Look for shows that are a mix of fun and education, such as My Little Pony.
Ask questions to engage others (“How was work today, Mommy?”) Tell whether someone is busy Gauge whether someone is interested Let the conversation shift organically Listen Know when monologuing is a good idea (e. g. when someone wants to learn about their subject of interest)
Genuinely listen to the autistic person, and ask questions. When frustrated or exhausted, act the way you would like the autistic person to act. Take a break if need be. (It’s okay!) Demonstrate compassion. Never do something to an autistic person that you wouldn’t do to a non-autistic person. Treat their feelings as meaningful and valid.
Praise can come in the form of kind words, hugs, time spent together, or extra free time. While praise is good, do not treat praise as an ultimate goal. If a person becomes dependent on praise, they may become a people-pleaser, and be unable to set boundaries.
Allow them to refuse things. (“I don’t want that sweater. It hurts!”) Praise them for expressing their needs. (“Thank you for letting me know the music is too loud. I’ll turn it down right away. “) Give them choices and encourage thinking. Avoid compliance therapies, which can hinder their ability to say no. When your loved one says “no,” listen. What’s wrong? If something is unavoidable, can you remove the part that makes it distasteful, or strike a bargain that they are happy with? Only ignore a “no” in important cases of health or safety. Teens and adults may gain skills through self-advocacy groups such as ASAN or the Autism Women’s Network. (However, be careful about introducing them to such groups if they are sensitive, since the issues of hatred, abusive therapy,[17] X Research source [18] X Research source and torture[19] X Research source may disrupt their sleep. )
Autism is not a linear spectrum from “mild” to “severe. " It impacts many different areas in different ways. For example, maybe your friend is funny and great at cheering people up, and has serious difficulty with self-care and sensory processing. An autistic person can be strong in one area and weak in another.
Motor skills may be delayed Difficulty understanding and interacting with others Difficulty grasping abstract uses of language (e. g. sarcasm, metaphors) Special interests that are unusual in terms of focus and passion Over- or under-sensitivity to various stimuli (sounds, sights, smells, etc. ) Difficulty with self care Repetitive behavior, notably stimming
