It’s okay to offer help to your spouse if you think that there’s a need for it. Just remember to let them make their own choices. For example, avoid telling your wife, “Do you want me to take over?” Instead, try, “You look stressed out by the noise - do you want me to take over so you can go somewhere quieter?”
Your spouse may not be as social as you are and require alone time. Focus on your partner’s body language. For example, if your husband seems uncomfortable, check in and ask something like, “Would you like to leave a little early tonight?” Your spouse may not prefer verbal communication. Some autistic people require AAC—assistive augmented communication—because they can’t reliably verbally communicate, or lose the ability to speak when overwhelmed.
Learn to interpret body language. For example, you may find that your spouse gives very intense eye contact to focus on you or very little eye contact because it makes them nervous. Consider how your spouse processes speech. You may find out they’re a literal thinker, so they don’t pick up on sarcasm or jokes very easily. See if your spouse requires strict routines. If they become distressed when routines are interrupted, reassure them that you’ll work with their schedule and habits. Ask if your spouse has different stimulation needs. You can help a hyposensitive autistic person by providing extra stimulation. Support a hypersensitive autistic person by keeping stimulation to a minimum and reducing sensory overload.
Avoid making assumptions about your spouse. Instead, let your partner directly communicate what they want. Make sure you have boundaries set for yourself, too. For a healthy relationship, it’s important for you to both voice your needs.
Maybe they’d like to be openly autistic to increase awareness of ASD. They may only want a select group of people to know about their diagnosis. If they don’t want to be openly autistic, don’t talk about their autism to others.
If your autistic partner shares a lot of information, use the moment as an opportunity to bond with them. When you understand autistic strengths, you’ll be able to appreciate your partner even more. Try to engage with your partner’s interests. For example, if your wife has a special interest in cooking, help them to research recipes that they’ll enjoy making. Let your spouse have time to focus intently on things, whether or not those things are special interests. Deeply focusing can help your spouse unwind.
Stimming shouldn’t be stopped unless it can harm you or your spouse. If your spouse needs to avoid distracting others in settings like their workplace, talk about how to stim discreetly.
Share your schedules so you can make quality time to unpack what’s been going on. Make sure you have emotional support for yourself, too, especially if your spouse has a mental illness. Your spouse may be able to support you, but make sure you have friends and family that you can rely on, too. If you and your spouse are really struggling with your marriage, it’s okay to look for marriage counseling.
If your spouse says something that comes off as impolite or hurtful, pull them aside and let them know. Most autistic people will feel remorse and apologize once they understand the impact of their words.
If your partner’s habits impact their health, gently encourage a lifestyle swap. For example, ask them to bring snacks to their desk instead of studying for hours without eating.
If you’re raising children or planning to start a family, present literature on parenting while autistic. You can be a resource for your spouse, too! Simply encouraging them to find ways to complete self-care tasks can be a great help.
Autism is on a spectrum, so autistic individuals may be severely or only mildly impacted by their condition. Autistic individuals often struggle with verbal and non-verbal communication. Routine and repetitive behaviors are typically very important to autistic people. Awareness of others’ feelings usually don’t come naturally to autistic people. Autism isn’t always diagnosed during childhood; many people are diagnosed as autistic when they are teens or adults.
Myth: autistic people have no empathy. Some autistic people have “alexithymia,” a condition that makes it hard to recognize emotions. However, others with autism report that they feel emotions very deeply. [11] X Research source Myth: autistic people can’t be parents. Many autistic people can navigate the challenges of raising a family if they’re given the proper support. [12] X Research source Myth: autistic people will always be unhappy. Autistic people are perfectly capable of enjoying themselves and living a rich, full life. [13] X Research source Myth: autism is curable. Autism is a lifelong condition. Your spouse’s autism will not “go away. “[14] X Research source
Be aware that a puzzle piece, “Light it Up Blue,” the color blue, and anything connected to “Autism Speaks” are considered hostile and able list, or discriminatory toward autistic people, because they all portray autism as a “crisis. “[16] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source To fight against stigma and stand up for autistic people, use the color red for the “#RedInstead” campaign or a rainbow.
The difference between an “autistic person” and an “Autistic” person is that an autistic person has been diagnosed as autistic, while an Autistic person accepts their autism as part of their identity. Avoid terms that treat autistic individuals like “victims. " For example, do not say someone is “suffering from autism. " Steer clear of measuring the intelligence level of autistic people or categorizing them. For instance, do not group some autistic individuals as “high-functioning” and others as “low-functioning. " Do not use “cutesy” terms for a disability like “diffability” or “specially abled. " Many autistic individuals want to discuss the concept of a disability in order to seek support and advocacy. [17] X Research source
Some famous autistic bloggers and writers include Amy Sequenzia, Emma Zurcher-Long, Lydia Brown, Cynthia Kim, and Ibby Grace. The tag #AskAnAutistic is a good resource for those who want advice from Autistic people about autism.
Avoid Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks supports anti-autism movements and excludes all autistic people from working with them. [20] X Research source Many autistic people describe Autism Speaks as a hate group disguised as an organization. [21] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source Instead of supporting groups that promote “Autism Awareness”, support groups that participate in “Autism Acceptance”, a movement that aims to work on raising acceptance of autism, rather than trying to stamp it out or look for a “cure”. [22] X Research source The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and Autism Women’s Network are run by Autistic people and support Autism Acceptance. Fighting ableism—whether it’s related to autism or any other disability—is a great step that both supports all people with disabilities.
