If she never expresses her insecurities, she’ll just keep ruminating on them in her head.
You can encourage her to talk about her feelings by saying something like, “I want to know what’s going on in your head. Can you talk to me about what you’ve been going through?”[3] X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
You could say something like, “I understand you’re having a lot of negative thoughts. That must be super hard to deal with. ”
If you encounter her saying something negative about herself, you could say, “Interesting. Why do you feel that way?” to open up a conversation. If you’d like to, you can gently disagree with anything negative she says about herself. However, be prepared for some push back, as she might insist that she’s right and you’re wrong.
“You always know how to make me laugh. ” “You’re such a good friend. ” “You’re so talented!” “You can pick up any skill so easily. ”
You could also say, “Have I ever said anything to make you believe that?” or, “Give me one piece of evidence that makes that true. ”
For instance, if a friend hasn’t texted you back, you could say, “Hm, I bet they’re just busy. It’s probably nothing to do with me. ” If you’ve gained weight recently, you might say, “I’ve gained a little bit of weight, but I still look good!”
Some insecure people also get insecure about being perceived as an insecure person. The more you lift her up and help her build her confidence, the better.
This is also important if you’re a parent to an insecure child. Remind her that no matter what she’s feeling, you’ll always be there to back her up.
Some people are nervous about talking to a mental health professional, and that’s okay. If you’ve ever been to one yourself, tell your loved one about the experience and how much it helped you.
