There are several techniques you can use, such as Sama Vritti or “equal breathing,” or abdominal breathing. [5] X Research source A very simple breathing exercise is to place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. Breathe in deeply through your nose. You should feel your lower chest area expand – this is where your diaphragm is. Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds, then release it slowly through your mouth. Repeat this 6-10 times per minute for ten minutes. [6] X Research source
Other signs of an emotional storm include feeling intense irritability, anger that is hard to control, panic/anxiety attacks, or feelings of emptiness. [9] X Research source You may also find it hard to concentrate, or find yourself focusing on negative things. [10] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Sensory mindfulness can help relieve anxiety. The key is to be open to all of your senses, notice what is going on, and then let those sensations move through you without fighting or judging them. [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Mindful attention to your sensory experiences can also help you undo “automatic reactivity. ” This reactivity happens when your body and mind automatically react to stimuli, such as emotional experiences, without you feeling in control of those reactions. [12] X Research source
You don’t have to be a bodybuilder to experience these benefits. In the Georgia study, even activities such as walking and gardening produced positive results.
Give yourself about 15 minutes in a quiet, relaxing environment. Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Loosen any tight clothing. Breathe deeply. Begin by tensing the group of muscles in your forehead. Wrinkle your forehead and try to raise your eyebrows as far as they will go. Hold this tension for 5 seconds, then relax. Move to your eyes. Squeeze them shut as tight as you can. Hold this tension for 5 seconds, then relax. Tense your lips and face by grinning as wide as you can. Hold this tension for 5 seconds, then relax. Continue to progress tensing and releasing muscle groups for the following: hands, forearms, upper arms, shoulders, back, stomach, hips and buttocks, thighs, feet, and toes. After you release each group, focus on the feeling of warmth that spreads through your muscles. If you don’t have time to do all of the muscle groups at once, focus on those around your face. Relaxing your facial muscles and smiling can help reduce emotional stress. Smiling can actually make you feel happier. [16] X Research source
For example, if you have just lost your job, a mindfulness approach would acknowledge how you feel about that event. It would be natural to feel angry, frightened, worried, sad, or disappointed. Consciously identifying what you are feeling is an important element of mindfulness. [19] X Research source Do not judge your feelings or try to “make” yourself feel something different. If you catch yourself judging your emotions, don’t get stuck in a feedback loop of judging your judging behavior. Just accept that that thought happened; for example, “I was angry with myself just now for losing focus. ” Then return to your mindfulness practice.
Try acknowledging your feelings verbally to yourself. For example, you might tell yourself “I am feeling angry that I was just fired from work” or “I am feeling frightened because I was not expecting this to happen. ”
Find a comfortable, quiet place. Sit upright on the floor with your legs crossed. You can also sit in a straight-backed chair. Don’t slouch, as this impedes breathing. Choose an element of your breathing to focus on. This could be the motion of your chest and belly as you breathe, or how it feels to fill your lungs with fresh, clean air. Focus on this element as you breathe deeply for a few minutes. Begin to expand your focus to incorporate the rest of your body. Note what you are hearing and feeling, but try not to let any one thought dominate you. Accept each thought and sensation. Do not judge them, just experience them. If you lose your concentration, return to focusing on your breathing.
Try taking a walk, gardening, or doing outdoor work. In addition to providing a distraction, these activities will give you exercise, and that can boost your mood. [25] X Research source You could also visit a friend or go out to eat with a partner. Spending time with friends may actually improve your health. [26] X Research source
Listen to calming music. Research has shown that listening to soothing music helps relax and de-stress you. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of songs that have been scientifically demonstrated to soothe and relax. These songs include music by Marconi Union (“Weightless”), Airstream (“Electra”) and Enya (“Watermark”). Take a warm bath or a hot shower. Physical warmth has been shown to have a relaxing, soothing effect for many people. [28] X Research source Eat a comforting meal. High-fiber, carbohydrate-rich foods cause the brain to release serotonin, a relaxing hormone. Healthy options include baked sweet potatoes, whole grain breads and pastas, beans and lentils, brown rice, and fruits and vegetables. Scientists recommend that you do not eat high-fat or high-sugar foods when you’re stressed, as these can make stress worse. [29] X Research source
Try putting your hand over your heart. Allow yourself to feel the warmth of your skin. Focus on your heartbeat. Feel your chest rise and fall as you breathe. You may find that giving yourself a hug helps. Cross your arms over your chest and give yourself a gentle squeeze. Hold this for a few moments. Notice the warmth and pressure of your hands and arms. You can stroke your arms with your hands if you like. Try cupping your face with your hands. You can also run your hands through your hair. Giving yourself a scalp massage,with your fingers or a massage tool, may help to release built-up tension.
For example, Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning was imprisoned in Nazi concentration camps during WWII. [34] X Research source He wrote that he survived because he refused to let the Nazis take from him “the human freedom. . . to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. ”[35] X Research source One way to create new meaning for your experiences is to reframe them. For example, you might feel stuck at a job where you do not feel appreciated. Perhaps you have a coworker you really dislike. You could reframe this situation in a positive light as a learning experience in how to work with people you don’t like, which is a valuable life skill. If you have religious or spiritual beliefs, you might use them to improve the moment. Religion and spirituality can provide a sense of hope and purpose even when the immediate moment is unpleasant. [36] X Research source
Keep a journal throughout the day noting when you feel uncertain or anxious. Write down what situations provoke this uncertainty and how you respond to it. Rank your uncertainties. Try placing things that make you uncomfortable or anxious on a scale. For example, the uncertainty of going to a restaurant you have never tried before might be a 3. The uncertainty of letting a friend plan your vacation might be a 10. Practice tolerating uncertainty in safe situations. You can learn to embrace uncertainty by building up a tolerance for it. Start with something small and safe, like ordering a new coffee beverage you’ve never tried. Then, you can work up to letting a friend make your dinner plans, etc. Think about how these situations turn out. Write down how you felt during these practice situations. Did they turn out okay? If they did not – and they won’t always – how did you handle that? Do you think you will be able to handle more in the future?
For example, if your romantic partner forgot your birthday, you might immediately feel angry. That would be the primary emotion. That anger might turn into disappointment (that your special day was forgotten), sadness (that you don’t feel valued by your partner), or even shame (that you got angry). These are secondary emotions. It would be easy to feel overwhelmed by these emotions. Tracing them back to their source can help you figure out why you are feeling the way you do.
For example, a reaction to an external event might be how you respond to losing a loved one. Or, it might be a reaction to being criticized for something. Internal reactions are usually reactions you have to your own feelings and ideas. For example, you might feel ashamed that you didn’t perform well at a sports event. Or, you might feel fear about having to interact with a lot of people at a party. It’s important not to judge your emotional responses. Acknowledge what you are feeling. Think about where that feeling has come from.
Try telling yourself that unpleasant situations are limited, temporary, and fixable. For example, if your boss criticized your work on a project, tell yourself that this instance does not characterize all of your work. Focus on what you can do to improve next time, instead of beating yourself up over what is past. [41] X Research source Try to reframe negative thoughts in positive terms. For example, if you have tried to do something several times and not had the success you want, a negative thought might be “I’m never going to get any better at this. I might as well give up. ” Try framing this in positive terms instead: “I can give this another try. Many things don’t work the first few times. ”[42] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Recognize when you are minimizing your own accomplishments. It can be easy to dismiss your own successes by saying things like “I just got lucky” or “This is too good to be true. ” It is important to praise yourself for your accomplishments. For example, you could transform the negative “I just got lucky with my grade” into the affirming “I spent a lot of time researching for that paper, and it paid off. ”
For example, if your child is not doing well in school, a personalization response would be to say “I’m a terrible parent and my child is a failure because of me. ” To challenge this response, you might say something like “My child is not doing well in school. I’ll talk to the teacher to see what I can do to help. ” Being specific and depersonalizing can help you avoid an emotional storm. Another example of personalization might be if a coworker snaps at you when you ask her about her day. A personalization response could look like this: “Wow, She must really dislike me to snap at me that way. I must be a bad person. ” A depersonalization approach would think about the other person’s perspective. It’s possible that your coworker was just having a bad day and her response has nothing to do with you.
A very common cognitive distortion is “catastrophizing,” where you allow your idea of situation or event to spin out of control. For example, imagine that your boss has criticized a project of yours. This might lead to a catastrophizing train of thoughts such as “My boss didn’t like my work on that project. S/He’ll probably tell everyone at the company how terrible I am. I’ll probably get fired, and then I’ll lose my house, and then I will end up living under a bridge in a box. ” Try challenging this stream of thoughts by focusing only on what you know in the present. For example, to challenge a catastrophizing thought, test its logic to see if it’s true. Think about the evidence you’re basing your conclusion on. One way to challenge the above example might be to think of other times you’ve received critique on your work. Did those result in the chain of events you’re predicting? If not, why are you certain the terrible things will happen this time?[43] X Research source Alternately, you can look for other interpretations for the event. For example, if you call your romantic partner and s/he doesn’t answer the phone, you might jump to a catastrophizing thought: “S/he isn’t answering the phone. This means s/he is ignoring me. S/he probably doesn’t even love me. We’re probably breaking up. " A more productive way to think would be to examine other possibilities. Maybe your call didn’t go through. Maybe your partner was busy right then and couldn’t answer. There are many explanations for this minor event that don’t jump immediately to disaster. [44] X Research source If you still feel persistent anxiety about the event or experience, ask for clarification. So, for example, you could go to your boss with your concerns about their critique. Ask your boss what you could do to improve your performance on your next project. Rather than jumping immediately to the worst-case scenario, you’ve taken action to improve things – and show that you care.
Tell yourself that you are strong enough to handle this!
Sometimes, your emotions can spin out of control because you have not clearly expressed your needs to another person. For example, a passive communicator might minimize the importance of getting their family together at the holidays by saying “If it isn’t too inconvenient for you, I would kind of love to have you home for the holidays. ” This does not convey how important this actually is to them. If the family didn’t end up getting together, the passive person would probably feel hurt, angry, and neglected. An assertive way to communicate the same thing might be “It is very important to me that our family spends time together. If you are able to come home for the holidays, I really want you to. ” This communicates the importance of your feelings while still respecting everyone else. The family still might not be able to get together, but this way you have told them what you need and how you feel.
Take the example of losing your job. Your immediate emotion might be anger, followed by fear, frustration, and shame. Acknowledge these emotions as natural. Then, take steps to tolerate this distress. Once you have calmed yourself, you can communicate clearly with your boss. You can express that you are disappointed to have lost your position. You can also express needs and desires, such as asking for a good reference or getting severance pay.
Avoid “should” statements. For example, a common complaint amongst couples is that the other person “should” know what they did wrong without being told. This approach creates barriers to communication and can put the other person on the defensive. Try using an “I”-focused statement instead. For example, instead of saying “You should have known it would hurt my feelings when you interrupted me,” try saying “I feel hurt when you interrupt me because I feel like you are not listening to me. ”[46] X Research source Try cooperative statements. Invite others to share their perspectives with you. Try to negotiate compromises, rather than insist that one person is “right. ”
Once you have listened to the other person, rephrase to them what you heard them say. This can help clear up any misunderstandings. It will also let the other person know you value their input. For example, you could say “Let me see if I heard you correctly” or “Is this what you are saying?” Try not to sound accusatory when you request clarification. Keep your voice even and calm.
Look for people who express that they value you. Healthy friend relationships will accept you without judging you or trying to change you. It may also be helpful to find friends who have gone through a similar situation to yours.
There are support groups for many experiences, from cancer and other diseases to handling the loss of a loved one. If you are looking for a support group for a particular issue, try looking at the website for an organization devoted to your situation. Healthfinder. gov maintains a database of support and self-help groups. Other good places to check are the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)[51] X Trustworthy Source National Alliance on Mental Illness Grassroots mental health-focused organization providing resources, support, and education for those affected by mental illness Go to source and Mental Health America. [52] X Research source You can also check with local community centers, places of worship, libraries, and hospitals in your area. Be aware of sales pitches that are disguised as support groups. A genuine support group will not attempt to sell you products or services, judge your actions, pressure you to agree with ideas or philosophies, or charge exorbitant fees to attend. [53] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
A common myth is that seeking counseling is a sign of weakness or failure. In fact, having the courage to admit that you could benefit from help is a sign of strength. Another myth is that counseling/psychotherapy will just try to treat your problems with drugs. While medication may be part of a treatment plan, in almost all cases it is accompanied by guidance on how to set goals, how to understand your feelings, and how to identify and tackle problems. There are many types of mental health professionals. Psychiatrists and Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners are usually the only ones who prescribe medication. They may also offer counseling. Clinical Psychologists, Licensed Clinical Social Workers, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, and Licensed Professional Counselors can all offer counseling services. Counselors and therapists trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy have an excellent record of success with emotionally vulnerable individuals. [54] X Research source
