For years, we relied on the popular notion that people progress through five stages of grief that begin with denial and end with acceptance. The new thinking is that there is no series of steps to be completed in the grieving process. Instead, people experience a grab bag of feelings and symptoms that come and go and eventually lift. In a recent research study, scientists learned that many people accept the death of a loved one right from the beginning and report more yearning for the lost individual than feelings of anger or depression. Because the grieving process is so personal to each individual, couples sometimes find themselves at odds because they can’t understand the other’s way of dealing with the loss. Understand that your spouse may have different coping mechanisms than you do and allow them to grieve in the way that suits them.
For many, the numbness begins to wear off after the first anniversary of your child’s death, and then true reality can hit very hard. Many parents say that the second year is the most difficult.
Don’t allow fear of letting your company down force you to return to work before you’re ready. According to the executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute, companies lose about $225 billion a year due to reduced productivity as an after-effect of grief. “When someone we love dies, we lose the ability to concentrate or focus,” Friedman said. “Your brain doesn’t work right when your heart is broken. “[1] X Research source
Be careful of impulsive decision-making in daily life. Some people adopt a “Life is short” philosophy that propels them to take unnecessary risks in the pursuit of living their lives to the fullest. Monitor your behavior to be sure you’re not engaging in potentially harmful activities.
Know that it’s okay to take time off from grieving–to smile, laugh and enjoy life. This does not mean you’re forgetting your child; that would be impossible.
Be inspired by John Walsh. After his six-year-old son Adam was murdered, he went on to help sponsor legislation to toughen laws on those convicted of violence against children and hosted a TV show focused on catching violent criminals.
Groups are of two varieties: time-limited and open-ended. Time limited groups typically meet once a week for a pre-determined amount of time (six weeks to 10 weeks) while open-ended groups follow more of a drop-in format in which attendance may vary from meeting to meeting and the meetings may occur less frequently (monthly, bi-monthly).
