You can both cool down if you’ve been arguing. You have time to think about what you want and need in a relationship. You get enough distance to recognize your mistakes and pinpoint how you can be a better partner. You get the chance to work through any doubts about the relationship.
“Tomorrow night, could we talk about something that’s been on my mind? I always feel better after we talk things through together. ” “I know things haven’t been easy lately, but I’d love to talk about some potential solutions. Can we talk after breakfast?”
“I’ve felt like we’re moving pretty fast lately. I’d like to take a step back from our relationship so we can slow things down. Would you be willing to try that?” “I feel so grateful that you’re a part of my life. I want to make this work. Taking a break might help us get distance from the fights we’ve been having recently. How do you feel about that?” Focus on hope for the future of your relationship rather than venting or listing out complaints about your current situation.
“Does 2 weeks sound like a reasonable time for us to take a step back? After that, we can sit down again and talk about what we both need. ” “How would you feel if we took a break for a month to work on ourselves? Then, we’ll come back together and talk about how we can make our relationship stronger. ”
You might also decide whether you want to tell your family and friends about the break or keep it private. You can also set boundaries on communicating with exes. Your partner might be hurt or offended if you reach out to an ex while you’re on break. Be clear about the “rules” for the break. For example, you could say, “I don’t want to use this time to see other people. I just want to gain more clarity about where we’re at. ”
Set a clear expectation for communication by saying something like, “You can always reach out to me if there’s an emergency, but I think it’s best if we don’t talk while we’re apart. ” If cutting off communication isn’t possible (especially in a case where you’re co-parenting), set boundaries. For instance, “I know we’ll still see each other when you come to see Riley, but I think it’s better if we don’t text or call. ”
Relationship conflicts tend to fall into 6 categories: lack of affection or attention, jealousy or infidelity, chores/household responsibilities, sex, control, and future/financial goals. [9] X Research source If something specific triggered your desire to take a break, try journaling about it. Write down what happened, how you felt about it, and what you would’ve liked to have happened instead.
Identify places in your relationship where you think your partner “should” act differently. Then, ask yourself, “Is my expectation realistic? Where does that belief that they need to change come from?” Are you putting enough effort into your relationship or placing an unfair burden on them? Can you put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see their perspective?
When it’s your partner’s turn to speak, show them you’re really listening. Ask clarifying questions like, “It sounds like you feel hurt when I don’t answer your calls. Is that right?” Try to come up with compromises. For instance, “I like having time to decompress after work. I love talking to you every night, but could we plan to call after 8PM?”
