Another way to improve your self-worth is to stop comparing yourself to others. For one, you only see the side of others that they advertise to you; you aren’t getting the full picture, which can lead to a warped perception. For example, you might feel like someone has it all going for them but on the inside he might be sad, afraid, or have low self-worth. Second, if improving yourself is important to you, why not just focus on yourself? Still a further way to improve your self-worth is to adopt a flexible self-view. That is, it is important to evaluate yourself based on your worth now, rather than trying to fit your worth into an outdated definition of yourself. For example, if you define high self-worth as being a good tennis player, because you were in high school, but you aren’t so good at tennis anymore, you might suffer from low self-worth. Instead, focus on things that you are good at as an adult. For example, maybe you’re a great parent or you are great at managing your money. Once you have improved your self-worth, you may feel you deserve more power, and this motivational force will help you obtain more power.
To believe in yourself, think about times you successfully made choices on your own that led to good outcomes. Reflect on these when you are doubting whether you can make good decisions on your own.
In most cases, it is not a good idea to express this ultimatum to your partner, since doing so can damage your relationship. Instead, just remember this information when you are feeling completely out of control and powerless, as it can help you gain more confidence as you navigate your relationship. [3] X Research source An example of an ultimatum you might keep in mind to yourself is, “if — after two months of not seeing any desired change, despite my explicitly telling my partner I would like us to have more of a balanced relationship and despite me actively trying to work with him to change the relationship for the better — I see no progress in that regard, I will end the relationship because it will mean I am still unhappy. "
Humiliates or embarrasses you. Engages in affairs. Ignores or excludes you. Threatens to physically harm you, or actually physically harms you. Showcases unreasonable jealousy. Demonstrates extreme moodiness. Guilt trips you. Threatens to kill himself if you leave. Uses money to control your behavior. Withdraws affection from you. Uses sarcasm towards you and a mean voice. Is Hypercritical of you.
For example, say he always decides where you go out for dinner. If you don’t feel like going to where he wants to, suggest a different place. If he ridicules you or says no, say that you no longer feel like going out for dinner. At the end of the day, for him to be in a relationship with you, you have to be an active willing participant; this fact, ultimately, can be used as a source of power for you.
Be sure to lay out specific examples of ways that you would like more power. For example, if you feel that you are always spending time with his friends, but he never spends time with yours, let him know that you would like this area to be more balanced. Avoid making overarching statements about your partner, but instead point to specific examples. Overarching statements such as “you’re a power hungry jerk” can be damaging and antagonizing. Instead, point to specifics such as, “you seem to decide who we hang out with most of the time and I would like more of a say in that arena. “[6] X Research source
For example, you might start a hobby; this can help you become more independent by making your well-being less tied up in your partner. Depending on the hobby, it can also be a great way to find new friends; having friends is another way to increase your independence. [7] X Research source When you feel like your life outside of your relationship is rich, you will be less likely to feel that you “need” this other person, and less likely to give into his power antics. You may come to realize that you don’t need him if he continues to be such an unfair partner; this realization (if both you and him come to it) can, in fact, increase your power.
When in doubt, think about how such “non-violent, silent” strategies have worked successfully throughout history, such as between Mahatma Gandhi and others and the British-ruled India.
To find a psychologist near you, try this website: http://locator. apa. org/
Watch out for the honeymoon phase, where your abuser treats you very well after being nasty. Know that this is likely inauthentic and your abuser is only luring you back in so that he can abuse you again in the future. [10] X Research source Avoid rationalizing the abuse. Signs of rationalization can include things like “he’s not as bad as some partners I’ve heard about” or “he’s only hit/screamed at me a couple of times” [11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Once you realize these are rationalizations you can dispel them and see more clearly. Understand his fear-based tactics. An abuser may certain tactics to retain power, such as threatening to commit suicide if you leave, making or carrying out threats of violence, calling you names, playing mind games, taking money or not allowing you to have money, or making light of the abuse or denying that it happened at all. If you understand your abuser’s tricks, you will be more able to resist them by seeing them for what they are. For a full treatment on the subject, including information on restraining orders and escaping abuse in emergency situations, see: https://www. wikihow. com/Break-the-Cycle-of-Abuse
