Ask him about his childhood. You might ask, “What’s one of your favorite childhood memories?” Take an interest in his experiences before the two of you met. You could ask him, “What were you like in college? How do you think you’ve changed over the years?” Be curious about his hopes and dreams for the future. You could say something like, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What do you think will be different about your life?”
Try your best to focus on what your boyfriend has to say, rather than what you’ll say in response. Be present and take a moment after he speaks to think of the right words instead. Ask questions that help you gain a deeper understanding of what your boyfriend shared with you. You might say something like, “It sounds like you went through a lot as a teenager. How do you think those experiences influenced you as an adult?” When you’re having an intimate conversation, avoid checking your phone and consider leaving it on silent. You don’t want a text message to interrupt a deep moment the two of you are experiencing together.
You might share a funny or embarrassing memory from your childhood that you’ve never told anyone before. You also might use the opportunity to tell your boyfriend about mistakes you made or experiences you had in your past relationships. You might share something like, “I haven’t told many people this, but I cheated in my last relationship. It was a huge mistake, but it forced me to really work on myself so I don’t do something like that to someone again. "
You might say, “I just hope you know how grateful I am that we’re together. I’m so lucky to get to be by your side every day. " Tell him all the reasons you love him by saying something like, “I love your sense of humor. No one makes me laugh or knows how to cheer me up like you do. "
You might say, “I love the idea of taking a trip to a new place with you. Where do you think we’ll travel together as a couple?” To talk about your general values, you could say something like, “I never pictured myself getting married, but I do like the idea of having a long-term partner. " If you’re ready to talk about more serious goals as a couple, you might bring up subjects like moving in together, getting married, or even starting a family. Just know that it might take a few conversations before the two of you decide what you want.
For example, if you’re trying to encourage your boyfriend to share his feelings with you, lead with how his silence makes you feel so that he doesn’t get defensive. You might say, “I feel a little hurt when you don’t tell me what’s going on in your head. " To encourage him to open up, consider leading with the positive. Say something like, “I love how much we laugh together, but sometimes I want to have more serious conversations with you, too. "
Show your boyfriend who you really are. Be open about your interests, values, and goals in life (even the ones you haven’t shared with anyone yet). Being vulnerable might feel like you’re risking getting hurt. Try your best not to let this dissuade you from opening up to your boyfriend. Part of being in an intimate relationship is trusting the other person despite the risk.
Try something like, “I’d really like to talk about our sex life. Do you think we could talk about it this evening over dinner?” If you have kids, wait to talk about the subject until your kids aren’t around (after bedtime or when they’re on a playdate, for example). You might bring up the subject while you’re sharing a meal together or anytime you have your house or apartment to yourselves.
You might say, “I really like it when you kiss my neck. What do I do that turns you on?” If you’re not sure what turns you on but would like to explore that more with your boyfriend, you could say, “I love our sex life, but lately I’ve kind of wanted to experiment. What would you think of trying some new positions next time?”
You could say, “I know we’ve never tried this before, but I’m a little curious about roleplay. What are some of your fantasies?” or “I’ve always wanted to explore being a little more submissive during sex. What’s something you’ve wanted to try, but never have?” It’s okay if you’re feeling a little shy or don’t know exactly what to say. Try to remember that your boyfriend cares about you and likely really wants to hear what you have to say.
You might ask him questions like, “What was your wildest sexual experience?” or “Did you ever experiment with your sexuality before we got together?” If feelings of insecurity or jealousy arise, you might say something like, “That was a fun experience, but I’m so grateful to be with you. "
Text your boyfriend about what you want to do with him next time you see him and even add a cute selfie or sexy photo if you’re comfortable. Try something like, “Been thinking about you all day. Can’t wait to see all of you tonight. . . " Add flirty emojis like 😈, 😉, or 😏 to make your texts more playful. While you’re getting intimate, tell your boyfriend if you’re really enjoying it. You might say something like, “That feels really good” or “I like it when you do that. " Only send photos if you’re comfortable. There are plenty of other ways to turn on your boyfriend, and it’s totally okay if photos aren’t your style.
