If you’re standing, put one foot slightly in front of the other and rest your body’s weight on the back foot. Keep your neck straight, your head high, pull your shoulders back, and angle your torso slightly forward. If you’re sitting, keep your back straight and lean forward slightly. Put your elbows and forearms on top of the table and look directly at the person you intend to speak to.
Inhale silently and quickly, then exhale slowly just before you begin to speak. Try to relax your abdominal region as you inhale. Keep your shoulders and chest as still as possible. Pause at the end of a sentence just before you’re about to run out of breath. Then inhale so that your next phrasing feels natural.
Remember that speaking softly and timidly is better than not talking at all. You don’t have to rush into speaking loudly. Stick with what you’re comfortable with until you get warmed up, then begin pushing yourself.
Try practicing with a recording device and listening back to the speed and clarity of your speech. You can also ask a friend to help you practice projecting your voice. Your friend can tell you whether you need to change the volume, pitch, or speed of your speech.
Make eye contact with whoever is speaking and pay attention to what’s being said. React appropriately to what’s being said. Smile at something funny, frown at something sad, and nod politely to show that you’re still listening.
Don’t cut anyone else off. Wait for a brief pause in which no one is speaking, then chime in. Say something relevant to the conversation and build off of something that someone else said. For example, you might say something like, “I agree with what Dave said, but I also think _______. "
Instead of using a monotone voice, vary the pitch of your voice and the pace of your words. Start out using a mid-range pitch, then inflect your voice up or down as needed. Gauge your volume. You want to be loud enough to draw the attention of others, but not so loud that you make others uncomfortable. Pause after you say something important, and enunciate your words slowly and clearly so that everyone can hear what you’re saying.
Avoid caffeine or alcohol if you’re already nervous/anxious. Caffeine can make you more stressed, and alcohol can lead to dependence.
Stretch your neck forward, backwards, and side-to-side. Stretch your mouth open as wide as it will go. Lean against the wall and stretch your hamstrings, then stretch your adductor (groin) muscles by spreading your legs and leaning side to side. Stand about two feet from a wall and do five quick wall push-ups.
Inhale slowly while counting to four. Breathe deeply into your diaphragm (below your ribs), rather than shallow chest breaths. Hold the breath in your diaphragm for four seconds. Exhale slowly while counting to four. Repeat several times until you feel your heart rate and respiration slow down.
What am I afraid of? Is this fear realistic? Are my fears grounded in reality, or am I manufacturing/exaggerating this fear? What is the worst possible outcome? Would it be so bad, or could I handle that outcome and bounce back from it?
Try releasing your shy, nervous thoughts by telling yourself, “Shyness and fear are just feelings. They may feel bad, but I can cope with these feelings until they pass. " Tell yourself, “I’m an intelligent, kind, interesting person. I may feel shy, but people will be interested in what I have to say. " Remind yourself that you’ve felt shy or nervous before and things turned out okay. Try thinking about times you’ve succeeded or overcome your fears in the past to empower yourself.
You don’t need a lot of time or effort to squeeze in some down time. Even going for a short walk, listening to soothing music, or reading an engrossing book can all help you calm down and relax.
