Try doing something physical before social interactions to help you relax. meditate or practice something like progressive muscle relaxation. Find a quiet spot to engage in a relaxation ritual prior to a social event. This will help you go into the event calm. At a minimum, take a few slow deep breaths.
Look for open body language. Someone should not be blocking their torso by doing things like crossing their arms. People who want to talk will be standing tall with their arms at their sides. [3] X Research source Someone may also catch your eye briefly, indicating they are open to conversation. This is a good sign it’s safe to approach someone.
If you’re at a party, for example, open by saying something like, “How do you know the host?” If you’re at a networking event, ask someone about their work. Say something like, “What exactly does your job entail?”
For example, say something like, “I love the wood floors here. It feels so old fashioned. " You can also invite the other person to share their input, which can spur a conversation. For example, “What do you think of this wallpaper? I’ve never seen anything like it. "
Try to follow the rule, “Listen first, talk second,” after starting the conversation. Once you open things up, let the person share their input completely before interjecting. Show that you’re listening by maintaining eye contact and nodding on occasion. You can also say things like, “Mmhm. . " to convey interest.
Try asking about something someone just said. For example, “That’s interesting. What was it like going to school in a big city?” You can also bring up a new topic through a question. Think about something that would be appropriate to introduce given the situation. For example, if you’re talking to someone at school, say something like, “What did you think of that chemistry exam?”
Try to make a pattern between asking questions and sharing information. For example, you ask someone how they’re enjoying a book they’re reading. After they share, make a comment about something you’ve recently read. You should also be willing to answer any questions someone asks you in return. If you seem like you’re withholding information, people may become nervous and not want to talk to you.
It’s best to try to find a related topic. If you’re talking about books, for example, move the conversation to movies. However, if you can’t think of anything that’s related, it’s okay to introduce something new. Fall back on a general question, such as, “What do you do for a living?” or “Where did you grow up?”
You do not have to bring up serious current events, especially in a situation where someone may become uncomfortable. If you want to keep things noncontroversial, bring up the new hit movie, celebrity scandal, or a hit song on the radio.
Try to keep the stories you share equal. For example, if someone brings up a modest vacation, talk about a similar vacation you’ve taken. For example, talk about the weekend trips you took to your grandmother’s house as a kid.
Debates can be enjoyable and, if someone seems open to the idea, it’s okay to share your beliefs. However, make sure not to introduce a topic in a way that makes assumptions. For example, when commenting on a recent election, do not say, “That was such a letdown, right?” Instead, bring up the topic in a way that invites the other person to share their beliefs. For example, “What did you think of the recent election?”
If you’re having trouble staying in the present, do something physical to bring your senses back to the present moment. For example, wiggle your toes.
