For example, if you are waiting in line at your neighborhood coffee shop, you could say to the person in front of you, “What’s good here? I’ve never tried any of their specialty drinks. " You can also comment on the situation. Try saying, “Isn’t it nice out today?”. If the person responds in a favorable tone, you can follow up with some more specific comments. Another conversation starter is making a comment about the person you want to talk to. You could say, “I really love that bag you’re carrying. "
At a party, a good place to start a conversation is near the food table or bar. These things provide natural conversation starters, such as “Have you tried the spinach dip?” or “Can you show me how to use this wine opener?” If you are having trouble mingling at a party, head towards the kitchen. This is often a gathering space, and you can join in the crowd by helping to mix drinks or set out snacks. The same rules apply when deciding when to approach a co-worker. Wait until they are not obviously engaged with someone else. Lunch is an ideal time to start a conversation.
If you want to chat to a colleague in the cafeteria, questions are a good way to start. Try saying, “How was your weekend? Did you take advantage of the great weather?” Maybe you’d like to get to know your new next door neighbor. When you see her grabbing her mail, say, “How are you adjusting to your new neighborhood? Let me know if I can recommend a good pizza place. "
You can make a simple statement about yourself. After a challenging spinning class, say to the person next to you, “Wow, I’m going to be sore later. " By keeping things simple, you are starting the conversation, but allowing the other person to help you get things started. It also takes some of the pressure off of you to find something clever to say.
Unless you are talking privately to someone you know well, it’s best to avoid sharing sensitive information about yourself. For example, don’t try to start a conversation by telling a casual acquaintance the results of your most recent checkup at your gynecologists office. People often feel uncomfortable when you share personal information. The cashier at the grocery store likely does not want to hear that your teenage daughter is not performing well at school. When you are starting a conversation, stay away from potentially sensitive subjects. Don’t monologue at people—good conversations are dialogues with questions and anecdotes. [6] X Expert Source Cristina MoraraDating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
If you are bored on an airplane, you might want to entertain yourself by talking to your seatmate. But if she is giving you certain social cues, find another way to amuse yourself. If someone is avoiding making eye contact, that is a sign she doesn’t feel like talking. Someone who is reading or listening to headphones is probably also content to remain silent.
For example, if you are picking your child up at school, you can say to another mom, “Can you remind me what time the early dismissal is tomorrow?” You could ask your colleague to offer you some advice. Consider saying, “Brad, your Powerpoints always look so polished. Would you mind offering me some tips?” If you’re on a date, you could ask something like “what are some of your pet peeves?” or “what’s something people would be surprised to learn about you?"[9] X Expert Source Cristina MoraraDating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
Instead of saying, “How was your trip to Phoenix?” try saying, “I remember you saying you were traveling. What sorts of things did you do on your vacation?” This will allow for elaboration. Continue asking questions after the initial response. If the person says, “We did a lot of golfing”, you can say, “Oh, what’s your handicap? Can you recommend any good courses? I’d love to improve my game. " You can also turn compliments into questions. For example, you could say, “I really love that dress you’re wearing. How do you find such great pieces?” Asking people “what were you like in high school?” can lead to some surprisingly fun and interesting responses. [11] X Expert Source Cristina MoraraDating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
At a dinner party, strike up a conversation with someone who shares your interest. For example, you could say, “Mike, I hear you just got a new bike. I love going on trail rides. " When you are at your daughter’s soccer game, try talking to another parent about the new coach. For instance, “I feel like Haley is responding well to the extra practice time. How’s Mary handling it?”
You’ve probably heard the old adage that you should avoid talking about politics or religion in social settings. You should heed that advice when you are in a diverse group of people. Avoid boring people. For example, don’t give long, intricate summaries of your favorite reality show or your cat’s health. Give others a chance to participate in the conversation. Strike the right tone. For the most part, small talk should be happy. After all, you are looking to make someone like you. And we are all naturally drawn to positive people. When in doubt, try to look for something upbeat to say. [14] X Research source For instance, you could say, “Wow, we’ve had a lot of rain lately. But at least we’re likely to have some gorgeous spring flowers!” It’s ok to commiserate about an uncomfortable situation. Just try to put a positive spin on it. For example, “Bummer we’re stuck working late tonight. Want to grab a late dinner? I know a great pizza place. "
For example, you could say, “Did you see any of the movies up for Best Picture this year? I really loved Spotlight. " Be ready to transition to new topics. Try saying things such as, “Oh, your story reminds me of my trip to Greece. Have you ever been there?” This tactic will help the conversation flow naturally.
You can also do this in social situations. Maybe you are making small talk with an acquaintance at a cocktail party. If you see someone standing alone nearby, draw them into your circle. Say, “Wow, this shrimp is fabulous. Have you had a chance to try it yet?” Drawing others in to your conversation is not only polite, but it can help keep the conversation moving along. The more people that are involved, the more you will find to talk about.
Try offering neutral comments such as “That’s interesting. " You can also say, “Tell me more” to encourage the other person to continue with the story. You can use a method called echoing to demonstrate that you are listening. Say, “Wow, that is amazing that you have traveled to every single country in Europe. "
Smile at someone at the dog park. If you notice your dogs are playing together well, grin over at that poodle’s owner. It makes you seem approachable. Smiling is also an effective way to indicate support. If one of your co-workers stops by your desk to tell you a story, smiling at her indicates that you are interested in what she is saying.
Eye contact also helps you gauge the other person’s reactions. Eyes reflect people’s emotions, such as boredom, anger, or affection. Don’t stare at people. It is not necessary to focus entirely on your friend’s eyes. You can let your gaze naturally take in your surroundings, too.
Nodding your head also demonstrates that you agree. It is also a way to show support for what is being said. Avoid being a bobble-head. Do not nod continuously, as that will negate the genuineness of the gesture.
If you’re going to a birthday party that involves bowling, be ready to tell a funny anecdote about the time you joined a couples bowling league. Practice your skills. Challenge yourself to talk to someone new each day. It can be someone on the street or someone at school. Practice starting and continuing conversations. Confidence is key when approaching a romantic interest. Once you’ve found an opening line that works for you, try it out on the person you like. For example, you could say, “The music during spin class always makes me feel like dancing. Do you know anywhere good around here to listen to live music?” Say this with a smile and eye contact.
