If you DM someone who doesn’t follow you on Instagram, it goes into a filtered inbox, so they might not see your message for a while.
Let them know you’re interested in more than just their looks by liking photos that show off their interests—not just their most fire selfies![3] X Research source You might also leave a comment or question on a picture you like. For instance, if they’re wearing something amazing, you might say, “I love those shoes, where did you get them??"[4] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 19 August 2021. It’s okay to like the stuff they posted within the last few months, but try not to go any older than that. It can seem a little creepy if it looks like you’re going through everything they ever posted to IG. [5] X Research source
Try saying something like, “Hey Kim, I was scrolling my Explore page and I saw your profile. Your art is incredible so I had to say hi!”
“Your IG aesthetic is so cool!” “I love your whole vibe. " “I saw you were into roller derby and I thought that was awesome. " “We have a ton of the same friends, so I figured we’d probably get along!”
If they post a video of their puppy in their story, you might send a reply that says something like, “OMG your puppy is SO cute! What’s their name?” If their story has pictures of a delicious-looking meal, you could reply, “I love that place but I’ve never tried that! How was it?”
“Hey, I see we both have pics with Jeff. How do you know him?” “We were in the same marathon last year! What was your time?” “I noticed you post a lot of vegan food. Where’s your favorite vegan place in the city?”
If they post about trying to find the best pizza in the city, you might send a pic you took of a truly epic pie. If their most recent post is a pic of them in front of a colorful mural, you might send a picture you took of yourself in the same spot.
If they mention on their story that they’re looking for something fun to do on the weekend, you might post where your band is playing, for instance. If they’re into making jewelry, you might send them an article about a new method of producing lab-created gemstones. You could also send a book recommendation if you’ve read something you think they’d like. For instance, if they’re passionate about social justice, you might say something like, “I just finished A People’s History of the United States and it was so profound! Have you read it?”
Avoid hot-button issues like politics, religion, and social issues.
Instagram has a feature where you can see if someone has read your message. If it says “Seen” but there’s no response, it’s best to move on. [13] X Research source
On the other hand, if they’re responding quickly to your messages and they seem really into it, feel free to banter back and forth and have fun! Also, try to stick with the thread of the conversation. It can seem a little off-putting if you abruptly veer away from the topic. [15] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 19 August 2021. Be a good listener by asking follow-up questions about whatever the other person is saying. Share your own thoughts, as well, so it doesn’t seem like you’re just interrogating them.
