Don’t assume that learning about sex will ruin your children’s innocence or make them want to be sexually active. Age-appropriate education will actually help them recognize inappropriate behavior and make good decisions.
If you want to be the first to discuss sex with your children, start in early childhood. Keep the talk simple and age-appropriate. If asked “What is sex?” you might respond, “Sex is an act between two consenting adults. " Let your children guide you about how much to share. If they still have questions, there’s a chance you haven’t explained the topic thoroughly. [3] X Research source
Talk to your kids frequently about healthy relationships and the kind of behavior they should expect from other people, like respect and consideration. [5] X Expert Source Kirsten Thompson, MDBoard Certified Psychiatrist Expert Interview. 18 August 2021. From there, explain that not everyone will treat them this way, and talk to them about some signs they should pay attention to, like feeling uncomfortable or belittled. [6] X Expert Source Kirsten Thompson, MDBoard Certified Psychiatrist Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
If you normalize talking about sex, your kids will be more likely to come forward and get help if anything ever does happen to them.
Teach your child that some body parts are private and are not meant for others to see. [8] X Expert Source Kirsten Thompson, MDBoard Certified Psychiatrist Expert Interview. 18 August 2021. Explain to them that no one should touch or ask to touch their private body parts. It is important for parents to be aware that many sexual predators will start by attempting to gain the trust of the child and then ask them to touch their private body parts, once that trust is gained. Therefore, it must be emphasized to your children starting at a young age that this is not okay. Teach your child that no one should be taking photos of their private body parts. Oftentimes, pedophiles will take pictures and share and sell them on the internet. You might ask your child during a bath, “Is it okay if I wash you there?” indicating their private parts.
You might emphasize this early on by having others ask the child if they want to be picked up. If the child shies away, then that’s a clear message that they don’t want to be touched. Never force your child to hug another child, no matter how cute it is. Let them know that they have a choice in who touches them and vice versa.
Bath time is a good opportunity to discuss private parts with toddlers. Explain that it’s okay to take off clothes around other people in a few situations, like changing in a locker room and using the urinal in the boys’ room.
Avoid using vague terms such as “bad touch” and “hurt” to refer to sexual abuse. If the abuse isn’t painful, or if it even feels good, the victim may not realize that what’s happening is wrong. For instance, you could say, “A safe touch is like when you hug Grandma, or when you have a checkup at the doctor’s office. But if somebody who isn’t your doctor tries to touch you on your private parts, or in another way that makes you feel weird, that’s not a safe touch. ”
Many children now have cell phones with them at younger and younger ages. Have your child work with you on identifying a code word that they will communicate to you if they are ever in an uncomfortable and/or unsafe situation.
If you are really uncomfortable using the names of body parts, you can just say “privates,” which is unlikely to lead to confusion. However, this might make your kids feel uncomfortable using the correct names, too.
For instance, when your child is four, the most important issue is making sure they can recognize inappropriate touch. When they’re fourteen, though, it’s a good idea to talk about issues like consent and how to handle inappropriate crushes.
For example, you could say, “If someone says inappropriate things to you or tries to touch you, it doesn’t matter who they are. Even if it’s someone you know, like your teacher or your baseball coach, it’s still not okay. ”
You don’t have to get too detailed when you talk about this, especially with young children. Say something like, “If an adult ever tries to make you look at their private parts, or says things to you that make you feel confused or scared, that’s not okay. If that happens, come and tell me or Dad right away. ”
A few common grooming tactics include acting like a child’s friend, touching them in non-sexual ways such as tickling, giving the child drugs or alcohol, and encouraging the child to keep secrets from their parents. You could tell your child something like, “If an adult ever wants you to keep secrets from me and Mom, or if they want you to drink alcohol or break other rules, it’s really important for you to tell us about it. ”
Help your child feel comfortable asserting their boundaries by backing them up, even in non-threatening situations. For instance, don’t make your child give people hugs if they don’t want to.
Say something like, “If someone touches you in a way that isn’t safe, it’s important that you tell me about it. I’ll always listen to you, and you won’t be in trouble. ”
Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)[21] X Research source Darkness to Light at 1-866-FOR-LIGHT (1-866-367-5444). They provide children and adults with local information or resources about sexual abuse. [22] X Research source Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673). They provide help to rape and incest victims, media, policymakers, and concerned individuals. [23] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. They provide help to families and concerned individuals. [24] X Research source
