Choose a time with no external time constraints. If you’re telling your mother something private or embarrassing, you want to make sure the two of you can talk out the issue for as long as necessary. You should also pick a time when you and your mom are generally not stressed. You don’t want to talk to her about something embarrassing or awkward when you’re already in a bad mood. If you both tend to have down time Saturday, this may be a good time to talk as you’ll both be relaxed.
Do not try to talk yourself out of feeling embarrassed or awkward. This is only likely to make you focus on these feelings more. Try to start the conversation with the acknowledgment that the subject is uncomfortable. [5] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. Instead, accept that you’ll feel embarrassed but remind yourself why you want to talk things out. For example, you may want to talk to your mom about something like being pregnant or having a family. While raising the topic is difficult, your mom can give you valuable advice on the topic as she’s older and more experienced.
You may just want your mom to listen. If you’re going through an embarrassing personal problem, you may just want to vent to someone. If this is the case, you can let your mom know you don’t want advice or guidance. However, you may want advice about something. Think about whether or not your mom’s input would be helpful. If you want advice, you can ask for it directly. For example, “Mom, I need to ask you for advice about something. "
Try something simple. For example, “Mom, could we talk when you’re not busy? There’s something I want to tell you. " If you’re nervous your mom will be mad, try to give her a head’s up about this. For example, “Mom, something happened that I think you might be upset about. I need to talk to you about it anyway, even if you end up mad at me. "
Provide your mother with everything she needs to understand the situation. Avoid hinting at anything. For example, start off with a clear, direct statement like, “Mom, I’ve been seeing Zak for every day now and he wants to go to a party for the first time. I’m not sure I’m ready, but he keeps telling me about it. I don’t really know what to do. "
Try to understand your mom’s point of view. If you’re feeling frustrated with her, pause and try to step into her shoes. Consider why your mom may feel the way she does about a situation. For example, you’re telling your mom a classmate is being obsessed with a certain subject. Your mom has a very negative reaction. While you may feel your mother is being judgmental, maybe she had a classmate develop a serious mental disorder in high school. This may be why she’s having such a negative reaction.
Remember basic manners. Do not interrupt or raise your voice. Always acknowledge you heard what your mom said, even if you didn’t like it. For example, “I understand you think Natalie’s an unsuccessful student, but I really care about her as a friend. "
If you feel like you’re losing your temper, it’s okay to take a break. Say something like, “I feel like we’re not getting anywhere. Can we take a break and talk about this later?"[17] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. You can then do something to get rid of your anger, like go for a walk or vent to a friend.
If your mom is lecturing you or talking to you in a way that is not helpful, let her know. Say something like, “I really don’t need advice. I just wanted to talk. " If your mom makes a rule for your behavior (i. e. , “I don’t want you going to school events or parties anymore. “) accept the rule for now. You can talk to your mom again once she’s calmed down. Being argumentative may just make your mom double down on the rule. [19] X Research source
Remember, just because someone offers advice doesn’t mean you have to take it. However, it can be helpful to just listen to and consider your mom’s point of view.
You can talk to another parent, an aunt or uncle, an older sibling, or a friend’s parent.
