Some topics might be easier to discuss with one parent over the other, one parent might be calmer while the other is quicker to anger. In this case, it may be best to talk to your calmer parent first and then talk to the other parent together. Know that your parents are most likely going to tell each other about a conversation you have no matter if you only tell one of them. It’s best to include both in your conversation but smart to enlist the help of one to talk to the other if you feel that’s the best course of action. For example, you don’t want to alienate your dad by only telling your mom about a school bully. Ask your mom if you can talk to your dad together because you’re scared he will get angry at you for not standing up and fighting.
If the outcome is not what you desired, you can try several things: Talk to your parents again. Perhaps you caught them at a bad time. If they are already having a bad day they might not be in the best frame of mind to discuss your situation with an open mind. For example, don’t ask them if you can go to the school dance after you just made them late for your sister’s dance recital. Drop it. There’s no sense in infuriating your parents and ruining your chance at getting what you want anytime in the near future. If you have had a respectful and open conversation and both sides have pleaded their case, accept that your parent’s point of view. Showing them that you are mature enough to respect their perspective will help your case in the future as they will be more receptive to what you have to say knowing that you are able to keep your emotions in check. Seek outside support. Enlist the help of your grandparents, your friends’ parents, or teachers to help plead your case. Your parents will always be protective of you so asking outside support can convince them that you can handle a situation. For example, you can ask an older sibling tell your parents that they have been to the area that you want to go to and can escort you to the location to make sure it’s safe.
You can start with saying things similar to, “Dad, I need to tell you something that I’ve been stressed about. ” “Mom, do you mind if I talk to you about something?” “Mom, dad, I’ve made a huge mistake and need your help. ”
It’s never too late to talk to your parents. Even if you haven’t talked to them in over a year, start with a simple hello. Say something similar to, “I just wanted to let you know what I’ve been up to and chat for a little bit. We haven’t spoken in a while and I’d like to let you know what’s going on in my life. ” Your parents will appreciate the gesture and may find it easier to keep the dialogue open.
For example, if you need to talk to your parents about being sexually active, say something like, “Mom, Lisa has been dating her boyfriend for a year now, it seems really serious. Do you think things can be serious in the 11th grade?” By using your friend to give context to a situation, you can gain a lot of insight into how your parents may react to you. You can pick their brain but be careful not to be too obvious as they may be able to figure out your line of questioning and ask you about your situation.
For example, if your parents are concerned with having a cell phone you can say something like, “Mom, dad, I know that you don’t want me to have a cell phone. I understand that they cost a lot of money, are a lot of responsibility, and you don’t think they’re necessary for kids my age. I know you see the other girls in my grade with their own phones and you think that it’s a waste because they just play games or use Instagram. What if I saved up for a phone and we can use a pay-as-you-go plan to make sure I only use my money? You can also check out the games and apps I download because I just want to use it for times like that time my volleyball game ran late or when you’re on the phone with grandma. ”
You may even repeat what your parents say to ensure you understood them and to let them know that you’re listening to them carefully.
Have your parents listen and understand what you’re saying without passing any judgement or offering any commentary. Have your parents support or receive their permission to do something. Give you advice or aide. Provide you with some guidance especially if you’re in trouble. To be fair and not put you down.
For example, if you’re worried that your parents will be disappointed then let them know immediately. Say something like, “Mom, I know that you had talked about this before and you’ll be disappointed at what I’m about to say but I know that you’ll listen to everything and give me what I’m looking for. ” If your parents are particularly emotional and you expect a very harsh or unsupportive response, let them know that you have taken this into consideration yet have gathered the courage to still approach. Be proactive and diffuse the situation with positivity. “Dad, I know how mad this is going to make you but it’s important to me that I tell you because I know that you love and respect and only get mad because you want the best for me. ”
For example, ask “May we talk or is now not a good time?” Going for a long drive or being out on a walk can be the perfect time; however, if you never find these opportunities you can simply make a good time. Make sure you know what you want to say ahead of time or write down key points to ensure that you don’t missing anything. You don’t want to get off guard and have your parents initiate a conversation that you aren’t ready for.
Before speaking to anyone that you haven’t established a relationship with, put in your research and ask your peers to help you.
