Say, “We’re both going to be home on Saturday afternoon, so I want us to sit down for a special talk. Nothing is wrong and you’re not in trouble, so don’t worry. ”
Try to keep the conversation light and casual.
You might say, “You’re getting older now, so you may want to start exploring your body. I want to talk about that today so you know what you’re feeling is normal. ”
Say, “You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s totally normal to want to touch yourself, and I want you to know all of the facts about it. ”
Say, “Masturbating is a natural behavior that won’t hurt your body. What have you heard about it?”
Let your teen know that they don’t need to be ashamed about it. Privacy is about respecting yourself and others, not about hiding your behavior.
You might say, “I think that masturbation is a safe way to satisfy your sexual urges. I hope you’ll wait to have sex until you’re an adult and know what you want. However, I know you’re a smart kid and respect the choices you feel are right for you.
Tell them to wash their hands before and after masturbating, as well as to wash any toys they use. Explain that using dirty hands or toys might cause a UTI. Teach them to use clean hands and to clean up afterwards.
You could say, “I started masturbating in middle school, but I don’t do it often now,” or “Many people enjoy masturbating, but some prefer not to do it. However, it’s not something you should ask about. ”
If your child opens up or asks questions, you might say, “I’m really proud of you for speaking up. I hope you’ll always come talk to me. ” If your child isn’t saying anything, say, “I want you to know that you can tell me anything you need to say, and I’m always ready to answer questions. At the same time, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. ”
For example, they may ask things like, “Will masturbating every day hurt me?” or “Will masturbating make me become infertile?” The answer to both of these questions is “no. " Similarly, they might have questions about wet dreams. You can likely find the answer to the question online. You may prefer to do this yourself in case inappropriate material comes up.
You might say, “I know what you’re going through may be confusing, but you need to know that this is normal and healthy, so you don’t need to feel guilty about it. "
Say, “Is there anything you need from me?” This will help your teen feel comfortable asking about protection or birth control pills later. While you might hope they don’t need them, it’s better that they’re prepared.
You might say, “I’m sure you’ve been thinking about what we discussed on Saturday. Did you think of any questions?”
Don’t go through their things or knock when you suspect they’re masturbating.
