“Hey, could we sit down and talk tomorrow after work? I wanted to chat about our sex life with you. Nothing bad, just to get a few things out in the open. ” Or, “Let me know if you have time to talk in the next couple of days. I kind of wanted to see how you’re feeling about our sex life as of late. ” Try approaching the conversation as a collaborative troubleshooting session rather than making it into something critical. [2] X Expert Source Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CSTLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.

If you two have kids, you’ll want to get out of the house for a while. No one wants to talk about sex with their children around, and your wife might feel uncomfortable.

“Hey honey, let me know when you’re ready to chat. ” “Hey, you want to talk soon? I’ll be in the living room. ”

“I really appreciate you talking with me about this. I think it’s important that we stay open and honest with each other about everything. ” Or, “I know this isn’t easy to talk about, so thank you for being open to it. ”

“I know we’ve both been busy lately, but we’ve barely had sex at all this month. I just wanted to check in with you, because I’ve been feeling a little distant because of that. ” Or, “When you reject my advances, it makes me feel like you aren’t attracted to me anymore. I want to talk about how often we have sex so we can both be on the same page. ”

“I understand that with your new job, you’ve been under a lot of stress lately. ” “Both of us could be better about making time for our relationship. ”

You could say things like, “Could you tell me more?” or, “So what you’re saying is…” to show that you’re really listening.

For instance, you might say something like, “I didn’t know you were feeling that way. Thanks for letting me know. ” Or, “It’s totally fine that you’re feeling like that. I feel like I understand your position a bit better now. ”

For example, if your wife says she’s not feeling attractive anymore and that’s why she doesn’t want to have sex, you might work on boosting her self-esteem by giving her compliments or telling her how much you appreciate her. Or, if she’s feeling too stressed to even think about sex, you could plan some stress-relieving activities for the both of you, like having a spa day or taking a weekend trip together.

You could ask her something like, “What’s the best way to get you in the mood?” or, “What do I do that turns you on?”

Say something like, “I know we’re both busy during the week, but it’s hard to see you putting your friends and hobbies above me. Could we both work on making time to see each other one-on-one throughout the week?” Or, “I’ll try to make sex a priority if you do the same. I think if we work together, it will make this much easier. ”

You could also meet with a sex therapist. [25] X Expert Source Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CSTLicensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.