Start the conversation with something like, “Do you have any fantasies that you’ve always wanted to try?” Make lists of your top 5 dream places to have sex, even if some of them are unlikely or humorous. Browse through a sex book or website like Kama Sutra, noting fun or adventurous positions to try. Share any fantasies or secret desires together, asking hers as well. If you can find ways to make both of you happy, this conversation will get much easier. [2] X Expert Source Nicole MooreLove & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
“I’d like to find ways to bring more oral sex into our lives. " “I think the two of us should start exploring oral sex, if we’re both comfortable. " “I really enjoy going down on each other, and I’d like to try and make it a more important part of our sex life. "
It’s normal to get emotional as you listen to her talk, especially if she’s telling you no. Try to control your emotions and keep them in check so she feels comfortable opening up to you.
If she’s not comfortable performing oral sex on you, respect her decision, but let her know that it’s an important part of your sex life. Say something like, “I understand where you’re coming from, and I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I just want you to understand that oral sex is important to me. ”
As she opens up, don’t try to dismiss her concerns or treat them like they’re invalid. You might not agree, but for her, these are real issues. Remember that there are likely sexual acts that you, too, are uncomfortable with.
Say something like, “Is there anything we could change to make performing oral sex better for you?” or, “Is there something I could do to make you more comfortable?”
Try something like, “Would you be more comfortable if I went down on you? We could try it out and see how you feel. ” Never use oral sex as a passive aggressive bargaining chip—“I did it, now you should too. " This will likely make your partner uncomfortable, which is not a great recipe for a healthy sex life.
Start the conversation by asking her, “What do you think about our sex life these days?” or, “Are you satisfied in the bedroom?” Once you’re comfortable asking these questions, you can broach the topic of trying new things together (oral sex or otherwise).
If you like something in the moment, let her know! This is the best way to build comfort, trust, and a great shared sex life. If something goes “wrong,” simply smile! If something goofy happens, like you fall off the bed somehow, don’t be afraid to laugh—it won’t kill the mood. Successful sex lives are about feeling calm and comfortable, and no one is more at ease than when smiling and laughing with their significant other.
Not sure whether or not your partner is enjoying something? Check in by asking, “Does that feel good?” This gives her a chance to either tell you to keep going or to redirect you somewhere else. Let her know when you like something that she’s doing, too. This will boost her confidence and encourage her to be more adventurous.
If you’ve discussed ways to bring oral sex into your relationship, and several weeks or months pass without any change, bring the conversation back up during a quiet, respectful moment outside of the bedroom.
If she becomes uncomfortable and wants to stop early, that’s okay. Remember that, for a woman who may not enjoy oral sex, these first steps will help her become more comfortable over time.
Keep the conversation light by asking something like, “So, how was that for you?” or, “Any notes for me?” If she’s just exploring oral sex, let her know how much you enjoyed it! Staying silent may make her feel like it was unappreciated or, worse, that she is no good at it and shouldn’t keep exploring.
“Do you like it when I go down on you?” “Are there things we can do to make sex more enjoyable for us?” “I’d like to bring more oral sex into the bedroom for us both—what do you think?”
If she is uncomfortable about oral sex, ask her why. Sometimes, women are incorrectly led to believe their vaginas are “dirty” or “shameful,” and that no guy wants to be there. Assure her, for you, that this isn’t the case. [18] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source Are there things she knows she doesn’t like? Things she knows she loves?
What stuff is off limits to you? What things would you like to add or try in the future? How do you feel about performing oral sex?
Listen to her voice, moans, and body language as well. Remember to pay attention to her, not yourself, for the best experience. If she’s not comfortable talking during sex, or giving feedback, consider a simpler system—perhaps she can tug your hair lightly if she likes something, or she’ll tap your shoulder if what you’re doing isn’t quite working. If she seems to enjoy something, keep doing it. Pleasuring your partner is not some complex game of chess—stick to what works!
“Would you like if we tried ________” “Do you want me to continue?” “I’m going to _______. Tell me if you don’t like it!”
