If nervousness makes you say things that you later regret, then take a few deep breaths to help yourself calm down. Visualize the encounter going well. Picture how calm you will be and in control of yourself and your tongue.
Sometimes the person is waiting on your response, and 10 seconds can make for an awkward pause. At least take three seconds to consider your words before you respond. Take the time to think about something else more appropriate that you could say instead. [5] X Expert Source Nicole Barile, PhD, NTPLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist Expert Interview. 12 August 2021. Remember to take a 10-second pause before you post, comment or reply to things online. [6] X Research source Make sure what you are posting isn’t something that you might regret later.
Remember that words can hurt and even though they forgive you, people remember how you make them feel. The person might not say anything right then, but it could damage your relationship with him. Do you really want to upset the other person? If so, why? Even if someone has made you mad, hurting him with your words is not the way to address the situation. It could actually escalate the problem. Try to understand the meaning behind your thoughts and intentions. [8] X Expert Source Nicole Barile, PhD, NTPLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist Expert Interview. 12 August 2021. Negativity breeds more negativity, and there’s very little to gain when you complain or tear someone else down.
Stand by the advice, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. ” If you can’t think of anything positive to say, then just smile politely, nod, and subtly change the subject. For example, if a friend tells you she had a makeover, and all you can think of to say is that she looks like a clown, don’t. Instead, smile, nod and say something like, “What made you want to change your look?”
Think about what provoked your words and what you could have done differently. For example, you might think, “Wow, his attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. I felt defensive so I went off on him. I could have calmed down before I responded to him. ” Don’t wait for someone else to correct you. Most people usually know when a comment they have made crossed the line before someone else points it out. Take responsibility for your words on your own. You might acknowledge your wrong by saying, “What I just said came out much harsher than I intended. ”
Acknowledge what you said and then immediately say something like, “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I’m working on controlling my tongue, but there is no excuse for what I said. I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. ” Depending on what was said and in what context, it may be most appropriate to take the person aside and apologize privately. Doing this also gives you the opportunity to explain more about what you said and why, as well as how you are working on taming your tongue. If your comment was made online toward a specific person, then delete it if possible and send the person a private message apologizing for your words.
For example, if you made a rude comment in front of a group of people, you should apologize to the group rather than each individual. It is appropriate to post a public apology for online comments that are offensive, especially when you know several people saw it.
Make a goal to do better next time. Plan to reinstate the 10-second pause before comments until you feel that you are gauging the crowd better. Try to be especially cautious with what you say around that particular person or in similar situations for a little while.
When giving feedback, remember to sandwich one bit of criticism between two positive notes. For example, “I can tell you put a lot of effort in this. It would be even stronger if we add more here. That addition would demonstrate the great possibilities you introduce earlier. ” In meetings or other group discussions, be sure to take your 10-second pause. Don’t let your guard down in the break room. Don’t let the informal setting unleash your wild tongue. You are still at work so avoid gossiping, putting others down, obscenities, etc.
For example, does your harsh tone and words make your partner feel that you don’t respect or care about her? Have family members told you that the things you say hurt their feelings? If you aren’t sure, ask your loved ones if and how your wild tongue is affecting them.
Is it a natural reaction for you? Are you just not good at communication? Is this something you always have struggled with? Does being around a particular person or people cause your tongue to run wild? For example, does one annoying co-worker make you want to tell him off all the time? Are you seeking attention? Have you found that this is a way to get people to notice you — for better or worse? Does it happen more often when you are nervous, stressed, or defensive? For example, do you put your foot in your mouth when you are put on the spot or in an uncomfortable situation?
For instance, if you know alcohol lowers your inhibitions enough to cause you to say things you later regret, it might be best to stick to just one drink at the company party, or having no drinks at all. This way you don’t have to worry about saying something that might offend your boss or even get you fired.
Listening to the person can give you hints as to what topics might be sensitive areas that you should avoid. Try asking the person an open-ended question in place of responding, such as, “What did you do then?” or “How are you feeling about that?”
If other people are talking about these things, then just remain out of the conversation. If possible, steer the conversation in another, safer, direction. If you absolutely must comment, then remember to take a 10-second pause to think about what you are saying and the impact it might have. [16] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Remember that some things said as a joke or sarcasm can be interpreted as discriminatory.
