Answer basic questions about who the absent parent is, and consider sharing a photograph if you have one. Tell your child that all families are different and remind her about all the people who love her. Try using examples from books and movies, or from real life, to teach her about all different kinds of families Be upfront about the likelihood of your child ever meeting the other parent. If the other parent has no interest in being involved or you are not able to contact them, don’t get your child’s hopes up by promising an eventual meeting. Make sure you emphasize that this is not the child’s fault in any way. Keep your personal feelings to yourself as much as possible. You can share more details about the circumstances of the other parent’s absence as your child gets older, but try not to say negative things about the other parent.
If business trips regularly occur with little warning, be sure to explain that as well so there will be no surprises. Help your child keep in touch with the absent parent by arranging phone calls or video chats. You can also encourage the parent who is away to bring the child back souvenirs from their travels.
Be as honest as the age of your child permits. A toddler only needs to know that daddy will be back by Christmas, while a teenager will need to know the truth about the length of the deployment and where the parent will be. Include your child in your communications with the absent parent, including letters and phone calls, as much as possible. If regular contact is not possible, explain to the child that her mom or dad really wants to talk to her, but can’t because of work.
If the absence is unpredictable (if, for example, a parent is in the hospital after an accident), explain what has happened, give a generous estimate of when the parent will be back, and keep your child updated on progress and changes to the dates. Try to keep your child from worrying. Answer their questions and make sure they understand the situation, but don’t provide them with details that might confuse them more.
If a parent has separated from the marriage and family, you have to be honest without letting any anger get in the way. For example, you could say, “Daddy loves you but was unhappy with his life, so he’s gone to live in Vegas. We’ll do our best to keep in touch but it will be hard sometimes. I can give you his address if you’d like to write and how he is doing. " If a parent passes away, be open and honest, encourage the child to express their emotions, and help them cope with their grief as best you can. [3] X Research source
Let older children decide for themselves how often they wish to communicate with a long-absent parent. Try to communicate to the absent parent that contact is very important and that it would mean a lot to your child, even if they don’t have a close relationship.
Support groups are also a great resources for many children, especially those dealing with the death of a parent, or those whose parent is incarcerated. Talking to other children who have had similar experiences can help them understand and deal with their own feelings.
