To keep it friendly you can (if applicable) try joking around about the last time you asked your friend to do something and he said no. This will remind him that he has turned down your plans before, too, so he especially shouldn’t be trying to guilt you into doing something.

Ultimately, it is up to him how he decides to respond to your refusal to hang out. Keep that in mind if you are feeling down about your decision to turn him down. [5] X Research source Try not to be afraid of how your friend will react. Again, as long as you are doing your part to be a good friend, you don’t have to make plans with your friend every time he wants. If he reacts really negatively to your turning him down, perhaps he isn’t the best friend to have around. Keeping that in mind should help alleviate your fear of his reaction. [6] X Expert Source Erin Conlon, PCC, JDExecutive Life Coach Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.

For example, if he wants to spend the whole weekend together but you’re only free on Saturday, try suggesting something you both like to do that could be done on a Saturday. Is there a new movie out that you both want to see? That’s one idea for a compromise; going to the movies can be fun and only takes a few hours.

To offer a sincere apology, don’t breeze past it; take your time saying sorry and give your friend your full attention when you are speaking. Here is an example of how to sincerely apologize to your friend: “I’m really sorry, I’d love to make plans with you but I just really can’t this time. Again, sorry about that but let’s re-visit this soon so we can work something else out. "

If you do not wish to share the reason, you can use something more vague such as “I’m just really swamped this weekend” or “my life is a bit crazy right now so I can’t this weekend” or “thanks for the invite, and sorry, but I just really need some alone time to recuperate this weekend”. Whatever you do, if you are going to give a specific excuse, make sure it is legitimate to avoid looking like a liar or a flake. [9] X Research source Examples of legitimate excuses include you already having other plans, you being busy with something else in your life, and you being very tired from the week and needing some down time or alone time.

To be polite, follow-up by telling your friend to have a good time if he goes ahead with the plans without you. Ask him to let you know how it goes. You can also try offering a suggestion for another mutual friend he could bring along instead; this will make it clear that you want him to have a good time and care about the friendship, and that you just can’t make it this particular time.

Leaving a friend on the hook when you know that you don’t want to hang out is selfish; what if he wanted to make other plans but couldn’t until you gave your final answer?

Be specific on when would be the latest that you would get back to him. Also, to be polite, since you are unsure whether you can hang out, tell your friend that you understand if he needs to make other plans if he doesn’t hear back from you soon.

For example, if you are busy the weekend he wants to go hiking, ask if you can go hiking next weekend instead. If maintaining the friendship is important to you, be sure to make that clear to your friend.

For example, if he wants to go hiking with you on the weekend you might say “thanks for inviting me; I’m glad we’re friends, we do a lot of fun stuff together, but I can’t make it hiking this weekend. I’m definitely into the idea though; let’s go a different weekend when I’m less busy, instead?”

For example, if your friend calls you to make plans and is pressuring you, try saying that you need to go but will get back to him later.

If he tries calling right away, you do not need to answer his call; it is acceptable to tell him that you cannot talk on the phone at the moment.

When writing your script, think about past conversations with your friend where you gave in. Try to remember how he acted or what he said that made you make plans despite you not wanting to. For example, if in the past he has said that you never say yes to his plans, you could write a script where you re-iterate the last few times that you did hang out together to show him that his claim is not true. By planning with a script, if he tries using the same tactics on you again, you will be ready to defend yourself.

For example, if your friend has repeatedly asked you to go out to dinner on the weekend you could say “I already said I really can’t go, but thanks for the invite. By the way, did you see [insert some movie here]? What did you think?” Try reminding your friend that people have different personalities and time constraints and that some people like to hang out more than others or do certain things that others don’t enjoy. Try letting your friend know that you will make plans whenever you feel that you can, but that when you say no, you mean it, and it isn’t OK for him to try to pressure you or to get angry when you say no.

For example, you might say, “look, I value our friendship but sometimes I feel like you try to force me into doing things I can’t (or don’t want to) do. This makes me feel like you don’t value my perspective and my time constraints. I will absolutely make plans with you when I can, but sometimes I just can’t, so it would be great for both of us, I think, if you didn’t get angry when I say I can’t hang out. "