Don’t hold out for a certain stage in the grieving process. As soon as you feel ready, share with them. [1] X Research source

You probably don’t want to share this information by text or at the end of a quick phone call, but a relatively quiet moment together may do.

If you can find a way to accommodate them, for instance by going to their house since you know they feel most comfortable there, do so only if it does not negatively impact your comfort level.

You might call or send a simple message like: “Jody, could you come by around 2 on Wednesday? I have an important matter I need to talk about with you. Thanks. ” However, if you know the person tends to worry a great deal and may become anxiety-ridden by the mention of unknown “important news,” you may choose not to reveal this until the actual conversation begins.

However, even if you’re someone who always likes to speak “off the cuff,” you may want to put a bit of thought into the general tone and parameters of what you want to share.

When writing, you may want to follow the same general guidelines for having a spoken conversation—asserting the importance of your friendship, clearly explaining the reality of your situation, sharing your emotions, and asking them to share their feelings and remain a part of your life. This isn’t meant to be a “read this after I’m gone” letter, though. Tell them what’s happening to you, and how much they mean to you, while you’re still around. If you’re nervous about sharing the letter with them, you can practice delivering the letter online through discussion forums. Many sites related to illness or coping with life’s struggles offer this feature. For example, the charity Parkinson’s UK has an active forum. [5] X Research source

Say, “Please don’t tell anyone else what I’m telling you right now. I want the news to come from me. " You may also consider telling them who else knows about your condition, as they may want to reach out to other loved ones for comfort.

Say something like “Karen, you’ve been my best friend for many years now, and honestly have become the sister I never had before. You’ve been there when I’ve needed you so many times, and now I need to share something important with you. ”

Try something along the lines of “Karen, my pancreatic cancer has returned, and I’ve consulted with my doctors and decided not to undergo any more treatments. I am going to die, probably within 2 months. ”

You might say “I know this is hard for you to hear, and it was hard for me to share, Karen. But I’m still here, and I’m still me, and I want us to be able to talk openly like we always have.

Tell them something like “I’ve accepted that I’m dying, and I’m at peace with that reality—mostly, anyway. Of course I get sad, scared, and angry thinking about it sometimes. ”

You could say “When I do feel down about the fact that I’m dying, I might want to be alone for a while, and I might not always answer your calls. But please keep calling, because I want and need you to still be part of my life. ”

If they’re sobbing, you might say something like “I know this is hard to deal with, but I want us to help each other through it. ” Consider also giving them a hug, or crying with them if you feel like it. If they refuse to believe you, try “Believe me, I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. I’m going to die soon, and I want you to be a part of my life to the end. ” If they are stunned and need some time to process the news, allow them to have it. Just sit quietly for a few moments, and if necessary ask if they’d like to continue the conversation later.

Most people don’t like talking about death, but this may be an instance in which the two of you can more freely discuss the meaning of both life and death.

“Well, it is getting hard for me to get out for groceries. Maybe you could pick up a few things for me a couple times a week. ” “I’d really like to organize those family photo albums, and I’d love to have a hand with that. ” “All I really need is for you to keep calling and visiting and being my best friend. ”

Preparing for death does not mean ignoring your life. Focus on making the most of your life and having your friend be a part of it.