For instance, if he always wants to watch movies or TV shows that have lots of nudity or sex scenes, you might take it as a sign that he is sex obsessed. [1] X Research source Or, for example, if every time you’re together he wants to do sexual things, he may be obsessed with sex. Physical affection does not always need to lead to sex, and if he expects physical affection to always lead to sex, then this could be a clue about his attitude towards sex.
Does he, for example, add a sexual comment or joke to conversations that have nothing to do with sex?
For example, if the first kinds of comments he makes about people are of a sexual nature, or if his value of people is based primarily on their sexual desirability, then this could be another clue.
Ask him directly why his previous relationships ended. You might say, “Can you tell me about your other relationships? Did you have any problems with infidelity?”
For example, if a guy tells you he spent the weekend doing work, but you find tickets to a strip club in the trash, it definitely suggests he isn’t being honest with you. However, keep in mind that it is rare to find this kind of obvious confirmation about a person’s lies. You may notice more subtle things, such as him spending lots of money and not having a good explanation about where it went. Or, you might find he is not where he said he would be when you go to check up on him.
Check to see if he has a criminal record, such as for hiring prostitutes, as a way to determine if he engages in risky sexual behavior.
For example, has the guy been neglecting or missing school or work for seemingly no good reason? Or has he been fired from his job? Or, for instance, a guy may neglect bills and other financial obligations because of money they are spending on their obsession with sex.
For example, you should make efforts to avoid unprotected sex with a guy who you think has a sex addiction. It is perfectly acceptable to request that a sexual partner provide documentation that they have recently had an STD screening. You may want to make it harder for him to access money, credit cards, or your other financial information. Avoid putting yourself in sexual situations, or being alone with a guy that seems aggressive in addition to showing signs of a sexual addiction.
For example, you might tell your new boyfriend, “Based on several things I’ve noticed, I think you have a sexual addiction. Can we talk about it and about getting you help?” You might suggest he review the information about treatment for sexual addiction provided by Psychcentral. [6] X Research source Keep in mind that you might have to have a series of conversations about your concerns as he opens up to the idea of having a problem. He may be very defensive about it at first. Give him time to process what you have to say and see if this changes.
If you feel ignored, anxious, or have difficulties expressing your feelings, your needs are probably not being met. [7] X Research source Try setting some boundaries. Don’t be afraid to say, “I need to take some time to focus on myself. "
If your partner doesn’t want to seek counseling, you can go on your own. You might find it very helpful to talk through the issues in your relationship. Help is also available through Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). This organization is open to people with addiction and their partners.
Avoid sites that have a particular religious or political bias. Rely on objective sites such as Sex Help. [8] X Research source Objective sites will include plenty of objective, scientific evidence and psychological research for their claims.
Remind yourself that both men and women of all ages have sexual urges and thoughts. It’s the way these thoughts and feelings are handled that distinguish normal behavior and sex obsession. For instance, a guy may want to have sex several times a week with his partner. This could be considered normal sexual behavior, not a sign of sex obsession. It is also normal if you do not want to have sex this much. The difference in the amount that he wants to have sex versus the amount you want to have sex may just be an indication that you are not compatible.
For example, a guy may just want to sit and cuddle with you and it may not have anything to do with sex.
