Even though lie detection is a hotly debated topic, signs of lying include pursed lips, fidgeting, a lack of cooperation, uncharacteristic terseness or silence, and the avoidance of first-person words such as “I” or “my. " [1] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Consider meeting in a neutral location, such as a cafe or restaurant. This will help keep the confrontation from escalating and will also allow the two of you to discuss his lies as equals. If you want to preserve the relationship, try to think of your meeting as a discussion instead of a fight. [2] X Research source
“I have noticed recently that you tell me you are working late, even though you are not answering your work phone. This makes me think that I am being lied to. " “When you told me that you liked my new haircut, I had the feeling that you weren’t being entirely honest. " “Lately I have been worried about whether you are being honest with me. For example, I have seen you check your texts when you think I am not looking. Is there something you would like to tell me?”
“I find it difficult to trust someone who has lied to me. " “I value truthfulness in a relationship, and I find lies to be damaging. " “Even if a lie is meant to protect my feelings, I find that my feelings are hurt more by lies than by the truth, whatever the truth may be. "
Remember that people can be easily hoodwinked, especially by a lover. This is known as “truth bias,” which can make us believe irrational things about those we care about. [10] X Research source Your partner might have had a good reason to lie, but don’t let yourself get caught up in unbelievable excuses or outlandish stories. If he says that a stranger who looks just like him happened to steal his phone and use it to send nude photos to your best friend, do not be fooled: he is probably still lying to you.
Forgive him and move on. If the lie seems to be fairly minor or a one-time mistake, and if your partner is serious about telling you the truth in the future, you might simply leave the past in the past. Be observant moving forward, but remember that everybody makes mistakes sometimes. Seek counseling. If the lie was a major one and if you have invested a lot in this relationship, you might consider working with a therapist or counselor on how to rebuild trust. This is most likely too much time, effort, and money to be worthwhile for short-term relationships, however. End the relationship. If you think that your feelings are still in danger or that your partner will continue betraying your trust, it might be best to cut off contact. Even if your original intent was salvaging the relationship, your safety and happiness come first.
In person. It will mostly likely be safest to do so in a public place. Consider telling a close friend or family member where this meeting will take place, so that you have back-up if the conversation escalates. This is a riskier option, but it also gives you the pleasure of seeing his face when you tell him that you know he lied to you. Over the phone. Consider writing yourself notes or bullet points so that you remember to cover everything you want to say. Remember: this will hopefully be the last time you contact him, so you don’t want to leave anything important unsaid. This option also gives you the opportunity simply to hang up the phone if he begins making up silly excuses or yelling. Through an email. An email will allow you to express yourself clearly and concisely. This option is especially useful if you do not want to see that liar’s stupid face again. Consider having a close friend read the email before you send it to make sure that it is legible. If the liar responds, you have the option of reading his reply or simply sending it to your spam folder. Though there might be a stigma against ending a relationship over email, sometimes it is the safest method, especially if your soon-to-be-ex has exhibited other concerning behaviors.
