Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Say to your parent “Do you mind if I take a 5 minute break from this conversation to clear my head?” Quiet moments alone tend to provide greater clarity.
It might be helpful to write a poem or a song if you are feeling creative.
Consider also any behaviors or comments your parents have made that have built towards this moment, as hate does not typically come about all of a sudden, but usually builds over time.
However, if your parent has grounded you for a few weeks because you got in trouble in school, this action probably does not justify you hating them. Keep in mind that you cannot take back what you say. Consider if telling your parent that you hate them will make you feel better or truly depict how you feel.
Begin breaking negative family patterns through open and honest communication. Oftentimes, developing sympathy will dissipate some of the hate you might feel.
Say something like “Do you remember when you and your dad were fighting a lot? Whatever happened to end that?”
You might say “Hey mom, can we talk some time tonight about something? Maybe we could go for a walk in the park?” Either have this conversation on the phone or invite an adult you trust if you feel that you will be in physical danger.
Say “I have been thinking about this for a while. As parent and child, our relationship should not be this way. But because of things that have happened, and things that you have done specifically, I hate you. ”
For instance, if your parent says “Well, you are an ungrateful child”, don’t try to reason them out of this. Say instead “I hear you and will think more about that but it doesn’t change my feelings. ”
Remember that what they say might provide you with the clarity that you need to move forward.
The presence of an adult can prevent violence from escalating. They can also help provide mutual advice that will end the conversation in a positive way. Ask your other parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle.
You might begin by saying “I have been wanting to discuss this with you for a while and I’m finding it difficult to do in person, which is why I’m writing this letter to you now. ” Consider typing the letter so that you can make edits easily.
Say something like “We have both stated our feelings. This was a very heavy conversation and I think we could benefit from some space from one another for a little while. ”
Remember that you cannot control others; you can only control yourself. Don’t try to get back at your parent by not doing your chores.
Say to your parent “Hey Dad, I would really like for us to go to therapy together to work out our issues. I don’t want to hate you anymore. ” If you are in school, you can also talk to your school social worker or counselor.
You don’t have to forget what they did but you should try to let go of the hurt. Pray and meditate about forgiving your parent. Talk to a friend to get your emotions out. Consider also writing down what they did to you and then burning it or throwing it away to signify that you are letting go of the hurt.
