No-kiss rules are becoming more and more common as research increasingly shows newborns are vulnerable to germs spread through mouth contact, but older generations may not be accustomed to them. [1] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source “I have some difficult news, Mom. We won’t be letting anyone kiss the baby outside of our immediate family. ” “I know you’re upset at this, Uncle Alan, and that makes sense—I know you were looking forward to snuggling the baby. ” “I understand you’re disappointed, Aunt Elizabeth. It was a tough decision, but I think it’s the right thing to do. ”
Even if your doctor didn’t explicitly enforce a no-kiss rule, it is worth it to your mental health to fib so that you can defuse the situation quickly. “I know it’s unexpected, but it’s what my doctor advised. ” “The doctor really thinks this is the best way to keep the baby safe. ” “It’s disappointing, but my doctor is the expert, so I trust her advice. ”
While non-immediate family members’ kisses can be dangerous to the baby, a mother’s immune system offers the baby protection, meaning Mama can kiss and breastfeed her baby and it not only won’t harm the baby, it will protect them. [4] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source “I know, I didn’t realize how vulnerable babies were at this age until I did the research! I’m glad I learned!” “I know this is surprising and disappointing news. If you would like to talk about it more, I would be happy to explain my reasoning in more detail. " “After the first few months, the baby will need to work on strengthening his immune system—that’s when he’ll really be needing your kisses!
“The baby will need your kisses in a few months!” “Keep looking forward to the time when she’s old enough to be snuggled! It’ll come soon enough!” “It’s just for a little while. The time will fly by like that. ””
It’s also worthwhile to remind yourself why you are taking this stand: it may be uncomfortable standing up to your loved ones, but keeping feathers unruffled is less important than ensuring your baby grows up happy and healthy. [6] X Research source “I know you’re hurt, Dad, but don’t lose track of what’s really important: the baby’s health. ” “I hope we can put hurt feelings aside and prioritize the baby’s development. ” “I know it’s a blow, but aren’t the baby’s health and wellbeing more important than being able to kiss her?”
In fact, while kissing may pose a risk to the baby’s health, newborns greatly benefit from frequent cuddles. Present Grandma’s cuddles as integral to the baby’s development, and she may be receptive to the no-kiss rule. [8] X Research source
“It’s not a reflection on you, Aunt Margaret. The baby is just too vulnerable right now. ” “Even someone who doesn’t feel sick could be carrying germs. I just would rather not take any chances. ” “I’m not letting anyone kiss the baby right now. But in a few months, she’ll be more than happy to be smooched. ”
“I know you are upset, Uncle Rich. I hope you will come and see the baby even if you can’t kiss her. " “I’m really counting on you being there for the baby, even if kisses aren’t allowed. ” “Take all the time you need to process the news. I’m sorry, it’s just the way it has to be. ”
If you struggle to be confrontational, it may help to write down what you want to say before you sit down with your friends and family to discuss your rule. You might even explain your rule in a text or email to avoid direct confrontation (and to allow the recipient time and space to collect their thoughts before replying). “I know you are disappointed, Aunt Mary, but please respect my wishes. ” “I hate to hurt you, Gramps, but I am my baby’s mother, and I have the final word. ” “I don’t feel comfortable with you near my baby until you can respect my rule, Aunt Becky. ”
In particular, if it’s your in-laws who are resisting, support from your partner may go a long way toward ensuring you maintain a good relationship. [13] X Research source
Unspoken boundaries can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you wait until after the baby is already born, it may be a bit harder to bring everyone around to the idea that the baby isn’t to be kissed.
