For example, are you a sibling to someone you suspect to be LGBT and have unsupportive parents or guardians, or do you suspect they’re getting bullied at school? If you plan on supporting your sibling if they are LGBT, then it may be worth finding out. Don’t try and discover a family member’s gender or sexual orientation if you just plan to tell other people or are “just curious”. Somebody’s sexuality or gender identity isn’t something you absolutely need to know.
This doesn’t mean that LGBT people can’t fit stereotypes - it just means you shouldn’t rely on them as your evidence for a family member’s gender or sexuality. Your little sister fitting the “tomboy” stereotype doesn’t mean she’s transgender, but if he says to you that he’s a boy, then he’s a boy. Keep in mind that a person’s gender or sexuality doesn’t define how they dress or act. Someone who is asexual isn’t any more likely to be cold and emotionless than someone who’s straight. Someone who is a transgender girl may not be over-the-top girly and wear frills and bright pink all the time. These fall under stereotypes, too, so be sure to avoid referring to these.
Do they get flustered around people of the same gender? Do they talk about a person of their gender a lot more than they talk about anyone else? This can be an indicator of a crush; however, keep in mind that people can be close friends and nothing more. Are they disinterested in having romantic relationships? For example, a cousin may express no interest in having a relationship when questioned about if they like anyone. Are they disinterested in sexual relationships with other people? Keep in mind that someone who is asexual may still be in a romantic relationship, but not be sexually involved with the person. Do they say that they don’t see themselves getting married or being in a long-term relationship? If they are in a situation where they have to be assigned with one gender (such as needing to use a public restroom, or having a “boys versus girls” type of match in school), are they visibly uncomfortable with the side they have to be on? Do they outright refer to themselves as a “boy/girl” in a “girl/boy’s” body, or make remarks such as “I should have been born a boy/girl”?
Transgender girls may grow their hair out long, while transgender boys may cut it short. Those who don’t fall in the gender binary may have any sort of haircut, however. Transgender boys may refuse to wear dresses or skirts. However, just because a family member dresses in jeans and a T-shirt doesn’t mean they’re a transgender boy. [2] X Research source Transgender girls may wear dresses or skirts, but if the girl hasn’t come out, she may not be able to do this. Don’t snoop through a parent or sibling’s closet to see if they have any clothing perceived as feminine - this is a major breach of trust, regardless of whether or not your family member catches you. Keep an eye on makeup usage. A transgender boy may refuse to wear makeup, whereas a transgender girl may test it out in secret. Nonbinary people may use makeup, too.
Do they associate with mostly LGBT people? While being friends with LGBT people doesn’t necessarily mean that your family member is part of the LGBT community, it can be a signal of something if your sibling or parent is actively seeking out LGBT friends. Do they seem more secretive when discussing a person of their gender? Crushes or relationships can cause a closeted LGBT person to clam up about someone they used to talk about more often. If your family member neither avoids nor seeks out romantic relationships or sexual relationships, they may be aromantic or asexual.
Do your best to make sure that your family member feels safe. Thank them for choosing to come out to you, and ask if there’s anything you can do to make them feel supported. [7] X Research source Do not tell them that this is “just a phase” or “something you’ll get over”. This will make them regret coming out to you, as these phrases are particularly unsupportive. [8] X Research source If you live in a particularly homophobic or transphobic area, discuss safety plans with the family member in case of violence from others. While it’s a scary thing to discuss, it’s possible for your family member to get hurt by someone who isn’t particularly accepting of sexuality or gender identity. Even if it doesn’t escalate to physical violence, it’s good to have a plan for dealing with bullying or verbal threats because of their LGBT status.
Don’t go overboard with treating the partner kindly. If you know that your family member’s partner is mistreating your family member or is pressuring them into activities that they don’t want to do, don’t be afraid to speak up and say something about it. If your sister has a girlfriend, treat that girlfriend no differently than if she was a boy. Don’t let bad behavior slide just because of the partner’s gender.
