On the other hand, despite past hurt and disappointment, emotionally available people are willing to be honest and vulnerable with the people in their life. Emotionally available people understand that even though this can get them hurt, it’s also the only way to find true, meaningful connections.
Never reciprocate after you share something vulnerable Change the subject when you ask him a serious or meaningful question Offer a surface level response to a thought-provoking or emotional question
“Oh, um…really? That’s nice, I guess. ” “Aw, that’s sweet. Hey, have you seen my keys anywhere? I can’t find them. ” He may also reflect your feelings back to you, but offer nothing more: “Yeah, totally. I feel the exact same way. ”
If he does this once or twice, that doesn’t have to be a big deal. After all, everyone gets busy sometimes! But if flaky behavior is the rule, not the exception, then he could definitely be keeping you at arm’s length. He may even avoid labels that signal commitment. Has he ever mentioned that he doesn’t like the term “boyfriend” or “relationship”?
Avoid meeting people who are important to you, like friends and family. Never invite you to meet people that are important in his life Never mention future plans that involve you
Never come over with flowers or a special snack Rarely plan dates. Instead, you offer your ideas and he either accepts or rejects them. Not seem to care if you express dissatisfaction with the relationship. Or, he says he cares, but he doesn’t make an effort to improve things.
He sighs, groans, or says something dismissive (“Not this again”). He calls you needy. He says he doesn’t have time for this, but never follows up when he does have time. He openly judges you: “I don’t get why you need intimacy so often. ” When you explain that you have needs that he’s not filling, he’s defensive: “This is so crazy! It’s not my fault. Why are you asking so much of me?”
If you never know where you stand and you always feel like something is missing, pay attention to what your heart is saying. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in your own relationship. If you’re not getting that, then something should change.
Or, if you realize that you know nothing about his romantic history, that’s a sign of emotional unavailability, too. These men may find it extremely difficult to open up to partners, so he may be leaving you in the dark on purpose.
You deserve intimacy, connection, and support. If your partner is willing to work with you to get better in these areas, then he could be worth the effort. If he’s not (or fails to prove that through his actions), then he can’t make you happy and you need to choose yourself. “Fixing” a partner who doesn’t want to be fixed won’t be fulfilling in the long run. If you’re both on the same page, though, you can totally find a healthy compromise.
“I feel like we should talk about the distance I feel here. I need emotional intimacy in a relationship to be happy. But at times, it feels like you don’t want that. ” “I want to work on this with you, but only if you want what I want: a healthy, full relationship. " Once you’ve established this base, talk about the issue as it arises in the future: “I think you just dodged my question. Did you notice that, too?”
