Look for a “read” indication on sites like Facebook, Instagram, or Whatsapp. If there is a long lapse between your text and the response, or if the person doesn’t respond at all, she likely doesn’t want to talk to you. You can never be completely sure what is going on, though. It might be that she is busy or forgot to answer your message. Notice if the person goes offline when you send them a message. It could be that she doesn’t want to talk to you, but once again you can’t really know what is going on. She might be busy. Check the person’s responses. If they are one word such as “yeah,” “sure,” or something along those lines, chances are they’re no longer interested in the conversation or don’t want to talk to you.
Does she sound irritated when I say something? Does he seem tired, slow, or bored when he responds? Does she sound pleasant or excited about our interaction? Does it seem like she’s questioning everything I say?[2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Notice if you hear your own voice considerably more than that of your chatting partner, which can be a sign she is no longer interested in the conversation. Hold back a bit to see if the person begins talking more. This can indicate that she wants to talk but you’re overwhelming her. Check to see if you are integrated into the conversation if there are more than two people in the group. If not, try saying something and see how the other participants respond.
Using lazy responses like “oh really,” “you’re so right,” or “totally. ” Mirroring the language you use such as “It’s really cold today” with “Yes, it is cold. ”[3] X Research source Ignoring questions or statements Giving one word or closed statement answers including a simple “no” or “yes. ” Using gestures such as a head nod can also indicate that a person doesn’t want to talk.
Looking at the floor Staring around the room Watching the clock. [4] X Research source Glazing over of their eyes. [5] X Research source
See if the person if mimicking your posture and pointing her body towards yours. If she’s not, then she has likely checked out of the conversation. [7] X Research source Check if the person is facing towards you. If she isn’t, she probably wants out of the conversation. [8] X Research source See if the person’s feet are pointing towards you, which can also indicate if they’re into the chat. Note the space between you and the person. If she is not close to you, she probably doesn’t want to talk. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Stiff or immobile body Tense and raised shoulders[10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Crossing arms over the chest Touching your neck or fingering your collar Fidgeting or doodling. Yawning. [11] X Research source
Do your best to not show your emotions to the other person.
You would like to get another refreshment at the bar You need to take or make an important call You need to use the restroom You’re feeling slightly ill and need some fresh air. [15] X Research source
Look for something in the room that makes you “realize” something. For example, say “wow, I didn’t realize it got so late. I need to get home for my daughter’s bedtime,” after looking towards a clock or at your watch. See if there is someone else who can join the conversation to make your exit. [17] X Research source Wait for a lull in the conversation and use this as a way to transition out of the conversation. For example, you can say “I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you, but I need to get going because I have an early meeting. ”[18] X Research source
Say things like “I’m sure you’d like to talk to other people, so I’m going to scamper off. ”[20] X Research source Remember to keep your tone and body language as genuine as possible. [21] X Research source Avoid using this tactic too often because it can make you appear disingenuous. [22] X Research source
Ask a specific question about the person’s business, course of study, or interests. Use this to lead you to ask “I’d love to know more about that. Do you have a business card or contact information where I could reach you for more information?” Make sure to look at the information when they give it to you, which is a sign of respect. [24] X Research source Offer to help the person. You can say “I really enjoyed chatting with you and learning about your work. Please let me know if I can do anything to help you out. ”[25] X Research source Use this tactic with someone who you don’t already know well.
Keep this transition as natural as possible. Ask about something related to what started the conversation as your way to end it. [27] X Research source
Say something like “I’m sorry but I have to excuse myself. I really enjoyed our conversation, Chris, and want to thank you for your helpful advice. ” Include the person’s name in your final statement to show that you respect and remember them. [30] X Research source Remember to keep it positive with the statement “you catch a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar. ”
Give the person a few days between your conversation and when you next contact her. This can help her deal with possible problems she had or help her get over being upset with you.
Keep the message brief and friendly. Emphasize how much you enjoyed your last interaction. [31] X Research source For example, write something like “I really had a nice time with you during our last chat. I hope things are well with you. Maybe you’d be interested in continuing our chat over coffee?” Avoid sending anything lengthy or multiple messages. The response you receive to this simple message will tell you a lot about the person’s position.
Notice when and how she responds. If it’s a quick “hello, sorry I can’t get together,” chances are she doesn’t want to talk to you. If the response is friendlier and more enthusiastic, she may have just been having a bad day the last time you met. Take a lack of response as a sign the person doesn’t want to speak to you. Avoid sending further follow up messages so that you don’t upset the person—which may in turn upset you.
Avoid sending further messages, unfriend or unfollow them on social media. This can show that you understand the person doesn’t want to speak with you. Allow the person to contact you if you like and decide how you want to respond. You may want to consider giving her another chance. It never hurts to be kind to others, even if they haven’t always been nice to you.
