The fact that it’s almost impossible to go back to “the way things were” after your confession doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll ruin your relationship with your best friend. However, it does mean that you’ll almost definitely change it. For example, if you used to see movies together in a strictly platonic way, this may become an awkward activity.
Remember that rejection doesn’t always mean that you’re not “good enough. “[2] X Research source There are a number of reasons why someone may not want to date. For instance, she may not want to have a serious relationship with anyone at the moment. There may even be things that you don’t know about that prevent her from dating, like work and school commitments that take all of her time.
Infatuation comes on almost instantly (rather than gradually). Infatuation is powerful, but short-lived. Infatuation is mainly focused on physical attraction. Infatuation makes you see the other person as “perfect” or “flawless” This is different than seeing someone as perfect for you –that is, someone who has flaws, but you appreciate these flaws because you are able to compensate for them. Infatuation isn’t being in love with someone else — it’s being in love with the feeling of being in love.
A few people you may want to consider talking to include: Your other friends Her friends (if you know them well enough) — they may even be able to tell you how she feels about you Siblings or parents that you’re especially close to A counselor or teacher you trust
She has something important coming up that she needs to focus on (like a big exam or a role in a play). She has just gotten out of a major relationship (or is still in one — this is a definite no-go). She is going through a difficult period in her life (trouble at work or school, family issues, etc. ). An example of a good time and place to bring your feelings up is when you’re enjoying a comfortable, casual one-on-one hangout on the weekend.
Use affectionate body language. Maintain good eye contact and smile. Touch her arm or shoulder when she makes you laugh. Gently tease her for minor slip-ups. For best results, have a good sense of humor about it and make it obvious that you’re kidding. Try to one or two weave compliments into the conversation. If you can do it while also gently teasing her, all the better. Keep things lighthearted and don’t come on too strong. You may risk tipping your hand too early or even creeping her out.
In addition, you’ll be spending money (maybe even quite a bit of it) on something that may turn out poorly for you. If you save your money, you can always take someone else on a date if your best friend doesn’t have romantic feelings for you.
An example of a good place to have this conversation is a bench in a park far away from other people. You’ll be comfortable, it will unlikely for other people to interfere, and, best of all, you’ll have a romantic view. Whatever you do, don’t make a big public spectacle. Remember that there’s a significant chance she’ll say “no” — in this case, attracting a crowd will be very embarrassing for both of you.
It’s only natural to get some butterflies (and many girls will find a little nervousness cute), but being so nervous that you can barely get your words out will make things a lot harder. See our article on staying calm under stress for more help.
Tell her that, lately, you’ve been thinking of her as more than a friend and that you wanted to know how she felt. [6] X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. Tell her that you’ve been struggling your feelings for some time and that you’re just relieved to finally open up about it. Tell her that, no matter how she feels, you value her and you want to have a positive relationship with her. [7] X Expert Source Candice MostisserRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. This is crucial — you don’t want her to feel like you’re only interested in knowing her if she wants to be romantic with you
Tell her that you completely understand if she can’t be in a relationship right now. Tell her that you don’t know whether she has anything going on in her life that might keep you two from dating. Stress that you won’t be upset if she doesn’t feel the same way as you.
Note: You will probably want to avoid actually using the word “love. " For many people, this word can have a huge weight that may make the prospect of being with you a little scary. Most relationship experts recommend against using “the L word” until after you’re dating.
If she doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about her, don’t try to change her mind. This is an easy way to come across as desperate. If you really love her, you should want her to be happy, even if you don’t agree with her reasoning.
Luckily, as the old saying goes, “time heals all wounds. " Spending a few weeks or a month away from someone who’s rejected you can be a very good thing. It can allow you to heal, accept the fact that you won’t be getting together, and move on to new romantic prospects. When you do meet up with your best friend again, take things slow. You may not go back to the same level of intimacy you had before right away. Be willing to gradually work your way back into a close platonic relationship. It may not be exactly the same as the relationship you used to have, but it’s unlikely to be worse.
