Ideally, how much time do you want to spend with your boyfriend? This is something you two should talk about openly. What kinds of activities do you enjoy doing as a couple? What would you rather do alone? There are no right or wrong answers here.
Oftentimes, when one person in a relationship wants space the other takes it personally. If it doesn’t have anything to do how you feel about him, make that clear. Maybe you want to spend more time with friends or family. Maybe you want more time to devote to a hobby. Maybe you simply want some time to relax. If it’s something deeper, like you aren’t attracted to him, you might want to evaluate whether you want to stay in this particular relationship. [3] X Research source
Choose a time where there are no external constraints that could prematurely end the conversation. Do not, for example, aim to talk before your boyfriend has to be at work. Aim for a time when you’ll both be relaxed. Having a big talk when there’s already something stressful going on is a recipe for disaster.
Avoid statements that start with “you,” as this comes off as you forcing external judgment on the situation. Instead, phrase everything in terms of “I” and tie it back in to how your feelings are impacted. [5] X Research source [6] X Research source For example, instead of saying “You don’t let me spend weekends just with my friends,” say something like, “I like to sometimes just go out with friends sometimes. ”[7] X Research source Avoid harsh language, but be transparent. Talk about what you discovered while reflecting on the relationship and yourself during your talk. [8] X Research source
Your boyfriend’s needs and desires are as valuable as your own, so treat them as such. Remember, this is not an issue of one party being right and the other being wrong. It’s an issue of differing personal boundaries. If you don’t understand, ask for clarification. Something like, “Why do you feel that way?” can really help you better understand your partner’s needs.
For example, if you discuss spending more nights at alone, follow up with something like, “Even though I really do love waking up next to you in the morning. " Say something like, “Even though I need alone time on occasion, I really do love spending time with you and want to be with you. "
You need to make sure your boyfriend’s needs are still being met, even if you’re spending more time alone or without him. [9] X Research source There are ways to compromise on space without you feeling smothered. If you two end up spending less physical time together, you can try to make that time more valuable. [10] X Research source
Not wanting space is often fueled by insecurity. Was your boyfriend cheated on in the past? Were one of his parents not present in his early childhood? These issues can make someone insecure about losing others. Asking your boyfriend more about his own history can help you better understand his fears. [11] X Research source Some people are simply codependent on others. Codependent people tend to put others’ needs first, don’t really know themselves well, have low self-esteem, and have never really learned healthy boundaries. If your boyfriend has had similar issues in the past, you can try to talk to him about dealing with his codependent tendencies to be a healthier, happier person. [12] X Research source
