Bringing up your status as a parent early on will also help you weed out any potential partners who aren’t cool with dating a single mom. Don’t worry, though–that just means they’re in a different stage of their life than you are. There are plenty of people who won’t mind at all!
For example, if the conversation is going well, say something like, “It’s really nice to have a grown-up conversation. I spent all day debating with my 3-year-old about which PJ Mask is the best!” If your date asks if you’ve seen any good movies lately, you could say, “Well, my 12-year-old is obsessed with musicals right now, so I’ve seen Hairspray 3 times this week, does that count?” Pay attention to your date’s reaction, but don’t make a big deal out of it. If they seem surprised, change the subject and give them a little time to get used to the idea.
If your date does have kids, say something like, “That’s great! I have an 8-year old too!” If your date says they don’t have children, you could answer with something casual, like, “I have a little boy, and he’s so much fun!”
You could say something like, “I love being a mom! It’s not always easy, but my 5-year-old daughter is really smart, and she really motivates me to do my best every day!”
For example, you might say, “My daughter’s father passed away when she was just a baby,” or, “His dad is remarried, and they have visitation every other weekend. " Avoid speaking negatively of the other parent, even if things ended badly. It’s not good for your child, and it might make your date think you’ll talk badly about them if the relationship doesn’t last. Remember, you don’t have to disclose anything you’re uncomfortable sharing. It’s fine to keep your past to yourself, especially when you’re just getting to know someone. As you start to become closer, you can share stories about your past gradually.
If you’re hoping to find a serious relationship, you could say something like, “I’m really hoping to meet someone I can be with for a long time,” or “I’m looking for someone who has the same long-term goals as I do. ” If you just want to date casually, say, “I’m not looking for anything serious. I just want to have fun while I figure out what I’m doing next. ” Whatever your aim, communicating your expectations early on helps your date understand what role you’d like them to play. In turn, this gives them the opportunity to bow out early if they are not okay with the circumstances.
Try saying something like, “We’re doing fine on our own, but I think it’s really important for me to still enjoy adult relationships. ”
If a rejection is making you feel bad about yourself, boost your self-esteem by making a list of reasons why you’re a great catch. Reread the list whenever you doubt your worth. Remind yourself that it’s best to find out early on if the other person isn’t interested in dating someone with a child. A rejection would hurt a lot more later, once you’re beginning to feel more invested in the relationship.
Children form attachments easily, and it can be really hard on a child to have a steady stream of dates entering and leaving their life, especially if they’ve already experienced their parents splitting up. If you’re not sure where you stand, talk to your date to gauge how serious you are. A simple question like, “So, are we exclusive?” or “Where do you see this going?” can help you determine if you’re both on the same page. When it’s time, try to set up the meeting in a way that will make your child comfortable, like inviting your date over to your house for pizza and a movie. If the other parent hasn’t been out of the house for long, consider introducing your date to your child somewhere neutral, outside your home.
Make it clear that your new partner is not replacing the other parent. However, the role each person plays will depend on how involved the other parent is in your children’s lives. For instance, in some cases, the other parent might get the children every other week or on weekends, so they have a large role in their parenting. However, in other cases, children may only see their other parent every now and then, meaning they play less of a role in their lives. Be careful about getting your date involved in parenting too early unless it’s absolutely necessary.
For example, you might tell a younger child, “Mommy is going out to visit a friend for a few hours while you stay with Grandma. I love you!” You might say to an older child, “A guy from work is taking me to the movies. It’s not serious right now, but I’ll let you know how things go!”
Keep the same household rules and expectations in place for your children that you’ve always had, and ask your date to adjust to the circumstances. Any new partner should also respect the role that your child’s other parent will play in their life.
Try having a talk with your child where you acknowledge their fears and reassure them that you still love them, even if you start dating someone new. You could say something like, “I can tell that you feel afraid that things are changing, but I love you and that will never change. I hope you’ll give my new friend a chance. ”
