There’s no set time to wait until you get back in touch with an ex, but you need at least enough time to process the break-up. You have to feel like your relationship is actually over. Give it a few weeks at least, and a few months for longer relationships. Try seeing other people for a while. Explore different relationships to learn more about yourself. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know.
Are the same problems likely to come back up? Were the problems your fault, or his? Have you changed in such a way as to accept his problems, or fixed the problems that you caused? If the same things will happen again, it’s not a good idea to get back together. [3] X Expert Source Michelle JacobyMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021. If your relationship faced big problems, like infidelity or other serious issues, it may be very difficult to get back together at all. Are you willing to forgive him for the major things that he did wrong? Will he be able to forgive you? How can you earn trust back?
If you had jealousy issues, or partied too much, try to get those things under control. Seek out counseling if necessary, so you can prove to him that you’re serious when you say you’ll change. “Because I’m sad” or “Because I miss you so much” are not good reasons to get back together with someone. That’s not why you got together in the first place. You want to present yourself in the best possible light.
Do you actually want to get back together? If you still have feelings, but don’t think it’ll work out, it’s probably just going to complicate the break-up to tell him. Keep it to yourself.
In some cases, you may feel you have to let him know that you’re still in love with him, even if he’s seeing someone. If so, just try to think about how you’d feel if someone pulled that with your boyfriend. You’ve been warned.
In some cases, it can be really helpful to try to write out your feelings in a letter. If this is the case, do it, but think twice before you mail it. It might be better to have the talk in person, so you can remember what he’s like to be around actually. Don’t try to get back together online. This isn’t an appropriate conversation to have via Facebook messenger. Have it in person, or on the phone at least.
Try a public park, somewhere you can be quiet and have a private conversation, but not somewhere that you’ll have a lot of history. Don’t try to have this conversation through text or over the phone—it’s definitely the kind of thing you should talk about in person. [4] X Expert Source Michelle JacobyMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
Just cut to the chase. You don’t need to spend a lot of time catching up or trying to make him think you’re doing really great. Just tell him the truth. You’re missing him, you think you can make it work, and you’re a better person now.
Be specific when you say you’re sorry. Don’t just say, “I’m so sorry. " Try to prove to him that you understand why he would be upset and you’re able to see the results of your actions. Even if you think he did some things wrong that he should apologize for, it’s important to keep your ego out of it. Just come right out and apologize. Worry about sorting out the issues later. You want to get your apology out of the way now.
If he says he’s still got feelings for you too, talk about what went wrong in your relationship. Try to focus on the problems you had and sort out whether or not you’ll be able to make it work again in the future. [8] X Research source If he says he’s totally over you and doesn’t feel the same way, just say, “I was hoping you’d feel differently, but I’m glad I let you know. I needed you to know. Get in touch if you feel differently. "
If he is seeing someone, he might need some time to think things over and decide what he wants to do. Give him that time.
Just start with easy dates. Go out for coffee, or see a movie together. No big plans and elaborate stuff. Don’t make it “Facebook official” yet, until you’ve spend plenty of time together and worked out your stuff. You might even consider not telling your friends until you’ve given it a while to make it work. It can be embarrassing to think that you’ve worked it out, only to break up a week later because of old problems.
You have to be able to constructively address the issues in your relationship if you want it to have a better outcome this time. [10] X Expert Source Michelle JacobyMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021. Expect him to do the same. If you’re doing something that drives him nuts, talk about it right there and then. Be open and communicate if you want to save your relationship.
