Leading up to sex, you and your girlfriend can build intimacy through other forms of physical contact, like holding hands, kissing, and cuddling. [2] X Research source
You can be alone together. You haven’t just had a fight. You won’t be interrupted by anything else. You’re relaxed. You’re not in the heat of the moment or about to become intimate.
“I love you so much, and I feel so close to you. Now that we know each other so well, I’m ready to be intimate. What do you think?” “Lately, we’ve grown so much closer together. You’re so important to me, and I really want to take our relationship to the next level. I think we’re ready to have sex, but I want to know how you feel. ” “You’re so beautiful. I love you so much, and I want to be with you. How do you feel about having sex?” “Our relationship is amazing, and I love spending time with you. If I could make one thing better, I’d increase how often we’re being intimate. How do you feel about that?” “You’re such an amazing girlfriend. Being intimate with you feels amazing, so I’d like to do it more often. How do you feel about our physical relationship?”
Your previous partners. Any prior sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs). Your sexual preferences.
Will you get tested for STIs? What kind of birth control will you use? Are you going to be monogamous? Is anything off limits?
What are your fantasies? What have you liked in the past? How do you like to be touched? Are there certain places you don’t want me to touch?
If she is silent or doesn’t answer, that is not consent. If you have to beg, force, or manipulate her into having sex with you, that is not consent. Either one of you can withdraw your consent to intimacy and sex at any time during your relationship. “No” means “no. "
Say something like, “I’m super nervous, too. I don’t want to rush you, so it’s okay if you’re not ready. I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. ” You could also say, “I don’t want to pressure you at all. Just being with you is enough. ” It’s okay for your girlfriend to say “no” even if you’ve been together for a while or she’s had sex with someone else. [11] X Research source
Have a quiet dinner together. Go on a walk. Watch the sunset. Take a shower or bath together. Do yoga.
Kiss her. Hold her hand. Stroke her arm. Give her a gentle shoulder massage. Tickle her. Stroke her thigh. Always check-in with her as you touch her to avoid making her feel pressured to have sex. You can ask, “Does this feel good to you?” or “How are you feeling?”
Dim the lights. Put out candles or light a fire. Put out soft and clean sheets. Put on soft jazz or other instrumental music. Eat sweet fruit or chocolate.
Buy her flowers. Write her a love note. Send her a romantic poem. Cuddle in bed. Surprise her with a picnic. Give her a random compliment.
Some ways to be mindful, or in the moment, include focusing on your breathing and hers, noticing the sensation of her skin on yours, and paying attention to any sounds she’s making. Being present in the moment can improve sexual performance, as you are more tuned into cues from your partner. It can also decrease performance anxiety, as you aren’t focusing on what might happen or the future, but what you are feeling, doing, and experiencing only in that very moment. [18] X Research source
Say things like, “How does this feel?” and “Do you like this?” Tell her, “That feels good,” or “I like it when you touch me there. ”
Share meals together. Take walks and talk together. Exercise together. Text each other throughout the day.
Read something erotic or romantic. Listen to a sexy song. Wear lingerie. Think about the last time you had sex with your girlfriend.
Trying a different location or room, not just your bedroom. Trying to be intimate at a different time of day than normal. Trying new positions. Buying her new lingerie. Using sex toys.
Make flirting part of your foreplay. Start it early so that you’re both revved up by the time you’re ready to be intimate.
