“My friend Jessica and I are going to the movies tonight…” “Oh, Jessica’s giving me a ride to the party. You know, she’s Hugo’s sister and plays field hockey. ” “Jessica just gave me this new book. She’s always right about my taste. I totally love it so far. ” This is best done earlier in the relationship. Mentioning later that you have been dating a girl for a few months–and they have never even heard her name–that will tend to be more surprising and possibly upsetting. You may have been doing this all along and not realize it. In that case, make sure to talk about her as though she’s a very interesting friend. That way, you’re building up some awareness of her person.
Try to find a time when they are both free and relatively unstressed. However, with some parents that may be easier said than done. [2] X Research source You can decide whether you want to tell them both together, or if you should tell one parent who may have a better reaction first. If you think they will both have a similar reaction, then telling them at the same time may be easier. Try not to worry too much about getting things “exactly right”. There may not (and probably will not) be a perfect time to announce your newly found status as a boyfriend. Go for a time and place that seems reasonable. It is your parent’s responsibility to handle your news, not yours. Having your first girlfriend is a rite of passage as much as needing your first shave or getting a driver’s license. These are things you are supposed to do, and if your parents do not handle it well, that is not your fault. It is their duty to receive the news and deal with it as a parent of a teenager or young adult. You do have a duty to consider their feelings and communicate with them respectfully as a young person, but if you do that. . . you have done your part.
You don’t want them to think your girlfriend is a negative influence on you before they meet her. In fact, if you’re doing even better in school than ever before, then this can make them think she’s having a positive impact on your life. Of course, it can be hard to focus on anything but your girlfriend, especially if you’ve never dated anyone before and are head over heels. Just remind yourself that it’s important to maintain a healthy balance in your life; your relationship will be all the better for it. If you want to be around your girlfriend 24/7, that may be a bit of too much, too soon. If you’re still young, your parents might still see you as a child and worry more about academics. If you’re already in college, expectations might differ and things might be easier.
If your parents have asked if you have a girlfriend, have given you a knowing smile when you mentioned your girlfriend’s name, or have even spoken about their dating experiences when they were your age, then there’s a good chance that they already do know the score.
Plus, your girlfriend probably wants your parents to know the truth so you don’t have to keep sneaking around anymore. She’ll help you feel better about your plan.
Also, keep in mind that, if you told your parents you had something important to tell them or wanted to have a talk with them, they may be imagining something far worse than you having a girlfriend! Chances are that they will walk away feeling relieved.
If you do have a sibling who is always around, be kind and respectful and tell him or her to give you some privacy when you do talk to your parents. If you explain the situation, then your sibling will understand; just try not to tell your sibling the news (if you haven’t already) before you tell your parents, or he or she may spill the beans.
Put away your phone, make eye contact, turn your body toward them, and give them the love and attention that they deserve. Use courteous language, such as “I thought you should know,” or “I know this may be difficult for you, at first…” to show that you’ve really thought this through and care about their reactions.
If they’ve met the girl or have heard of her, then you can say something like, “You both know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Jessica recently. Well, the truth is that we started dating—she’s my girlfriend. She’s very bright and hilarious and you guys will love her once you spend some time with her. I’m very thrilled to be dating her and I want you both to know. ” If they’ve never heard of your girlfriend or met her, then you can say something like, “I want you both to be a part of my life and to know what’s going on with me. There’s something new and exciting that’s been happening, which is that I have an amazing new girlfriend. Her name is Jessica and we met on the Student Council. She’s really sweet and smart and I know you’ll like her once you get to know her. ”
They may also not have anything to say right away because they’ll be processing what you’ve told them. You should still stay with them and wait for them to talk to you a bit more instead of ending the conversation. It’s likely that your parents will feel a bit left out, and telling them more about your new relationship will make them feel closer to you, even if it’s a bit uncomfortable or embarrassing for you.
You can’t help the fact that you’re growing older and developing an interest in the opposite sex. You can’t let your guilt about your parents seeing you in a new light keep you from exploring new and exciting relationships.
If they say that they weren’t interested in dating at your age, then they may be bluffing; even so, you can casually mention that a few of your friends are also dating without making it seem like you would do something just to copy your friends.
What to get her for her birthday How to ask her to the school dance What to do on a date with her How to tell her a piece of important news
Her positive personal traits Her successes in school What sports or extracurriculars she participates in The the things she cares about A bit about her family or background
Tell them about how you and your girlfriend are studying together Tell them about new things your girlfriend introduced you to, such as new movies, books, articles, or ideas Talk about ways that your girlfriend has encouraged you to pursue your goals, such as telling you to run for school president Talk about how your girlfriend supports you, from going to your soccer games to baking you cookies the night before a big test Work on being a kinder, more caring person around them—they’ll be sure to see that your girlfriend is having a positive impact on your behavior
If they’re less-than-thrilled at the idea of you having a girlfriend, then you should wait a bit before you bring her around or introduce her to them. Then again, you shouldn’t wait forever; once they meet her, in fact, a lot of their fears may disappear. Of course, if your parents are purposefully keeping you from seeing your girlfriend, then you need to have a talk about why this is not acceptable.
Once your parents see that your girlfriend is a normal preteen or teenager just like you are, they will be closer to coming to terms with the situation, or even to being happy about it. Your parents may even be excited for you to explore this part of your life, however nervous about it they may be.
