What did you lose? Parents are unlikely to be angered by the loss of a small item, but if you lost something big and expensive, they may be angrier. They probably worked hard for the money to pay for a bigger item. They may view the fact you lost it as a form of disrespect or irresponsibility. This is their view, however, and you should still continue to plead your case despite what they may think. Considering how your parents are likely to feel, what’s the best way to approach the situation? Think about how you would react in the same situation. How would you prefer the news to be delivered?
You may want to pick a public place, as this may force your parents to stay calm. They’re unlikely to yell at, say, a restaurant. Try telling them over dinner or lunch when you’re out. However, if you’re nervous, you may feel more comfortable having the discussion at a more private place.
It may help to write down what you want to say first. You can stand in front of a mirror and rehearse. For example, you can practice saying something like, “Mom, Dad. I wanted to let you know I lost the car keys. I know it’s expensive to have them replaced, and I’m sorry. "
Do you simply want your parents to know what happened? If you lost something important, like a phone or credit card, it’s important your parents have this news. The item may need replacing. You may also want to apologize and find a solution for the future. If you lost something your parents bought you, they likely want an apology. Think about how you will offer to fix the situation. Offering to replace or pay for the item shows your parents you are ready to deal with the consequences of your own actions.
You can begin with something like, “Mom, I need to tell you something. I’m a little afraid you’ll be disappointed. " This way, your parents will be prepared for bad news going into the conversation. This will lessen the shock slightly when you confess to losing something.
Accept responsibility for your mistake. Simply bite the bullet and tell them what happened right away. Do not try to minimize or excuse your behavior. Present a plan to replace the lost item using your own money whenever possible. For example, you might say, “I wanted to let you know I lost my new phone. I’m really sorry and I should have been more careful. When I got home from the movies last night, it wasn’t in my bag. I want to use my allowance money to replace it. "
It’s a bad idea to go forward with the discussion if everyone’s moods are high. If you start raising your voice, or if your parents do, it’s okay to put things on pause. You can say something like, “I see that you guys are disappointed in my actions. Maybe we can continue talking later?”
Your parents may want to discipline you in some ways. While you may find this frustrating or unfair, arguing will only make it worse. If you accept the punishment without argument, you’ll come off as more mature.
For example, you can say something like, “I feel stressed that you’re yelling at me right now because it’s not helping to solve the problem. " An “I”-statement can come off as less judgmental, as you’re emphasizing how you feel over an objective assessment of the situation.
Try saying something to acknowledge your parents’ feelings. For example, “Okay, I hear what you’re saying. You’re disappointed in me. You’re making that very clear. " You should let them know yelling is not helping. Try something like, “When you yell though, it makes it hard for me to listen. I think we should work on finding a solution instead of getting angry. "
Remind yourself everyone occasionally fights with their parents. Just because your parents are angry now, does not mean they will be angry forever. Keep reminding yourself emotions are temporary as you deal with your parents’ anger and disappointment.
Try to figure out a solution. Your parents may want to look for the missing item. If it can’t be found, they may want you to help pay for it. Be calm when working towards a solution. No one likes losing things, but you will need to deal with the situation effectively.
