Unusual social behavior (such as accidentally saying rude things or laughing when inappropriate). May not want cuddling. Uneven physical or verbal skills. For example, poor handwriting or bad coordination. Avoidance of eye contact, staring, or unusual eye contact May need more alone time. Intense focus and large memory, especially when studying favorite things; may remember childhood well Difficulty with forming or understanding spoken words. May struggle with forming coherent sentences, and prefer written words, sign language, typing, or other forms of communication. Patterns of interest in specific subjects. [1] X Expert Source Meredith Brinster, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 23 July 2021. Preference of routines and sameness. [2] X Expert Source Meredith Brinster, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 23 July 2021. Remarkable honesty and loyalty. Idiosyncratic speech: echoing words or phrases,[3] X Research source flat or singsong tone of voice, unusual pitch, and/or artistic and abstract language. Exaggerated response or little response to sound, light, smell, taste, etc. Interest in how things work. Stimming behaviors (e. g. hand flapping, rocking, tapping pencils, hugging oneself, clapping hands, jumping, spinning, etc) Strong sense of justice and morality. Difficulty reading faces and interacting with others. Difficulty with social skills. [4] X Expert Source Meredith Brinster, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 23 July 2021. Difficulty understanding social relationships[5] X Expert Source Meredith Brinster, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 23 July 2021.
Research related and co-occurring conditions. Is it possible that you have any of these in addition to autism, or instead of autism? Keep in mind that autism is not perfectly understood. There is still misinformation out there, and there are studies with contradictory and unclear conclusions. Some information is written by non-autistic people who never consulted any autistics, and thus may have gotten something wrong.
It’s possible to be autistic and have one of these disabilities. For example, it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to have ADHD.
Some autistic people have created lists of traits that could indicate undiagnosed autism. [7] X Research source [8] X Research source It’s considered bad manners to post in #ActuallyAutistic unless you are either diagnosed or quite sure that you’re autistic. However, anyone is welcome to read, listen, and learn.
If your parents are moving quickly, being louder than usual, or being short with you, that means they are probably stressed and not ready to listen. Avoid times of extra stress, like when someone is sick, a big family transition (e. g. right before a vacation), or holidays with relatives over. Your parents may not be as focused, and have a hard time listening well.
For example, “I think I could be autistic. I’ve been researching it for the past month, and a lot of the qualities describe me—meltdowns, sensitivity to sound, difficulty understanding others’ thoughts and feelings, and fidgeting, for example. I’ve put a lot of thought into this and it’s helped me understand myself better. " Describe the traits that are most noticeable in you, especially that others can notice. For example, you lining up your things and having meltdowns may be easier for others to see than your face blindness. Bring up the most obvious ones first.
You may have done weeks or months of detailed research, and thus be used to the idea. However, your parents are likely hearing this for the first time. If you sound uncertain, they’re less likely to give a knee-jerk “no” response, and they’ll take the possibility more seriously.
You could learn diagnosis-specific techniques for reducing stress in your life, making you more comfortable and calm. You could do better in school due to getting accommodations, which could improve your grades, enhance your understanding of the material, and/or reduce stress. You could get therapy focused on your specific challenges (e. g. sensory integration therapy). You and your parents would have access to a supportive community of autistics and their loved ones.
Many autistic people are able to speak. Autistic people do care about others, often quite deeply. Many autistics have empathy. However, not all of them know how to show this in ways that others understand. Autism is not a childhood disability. It is lifelong. There is no “cure. " Autism is not limited to white boys. People of all ethnicities, ages, and genders can be autistic. Autism is not an epidemic. It isn’t contagious, the word “epidemic” is misleading, and autistic people have many unique gifts to offer the world. Each autistic person is different. Some need a lot of support, while others go for decades without knowing why they’re different. The degree to which they have different symptoms may vary. People with autism don’t want friends or don’t have friends. [9] X Expert Source Meredith Brinster, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 23 July 2021.
For a parent who is annoyed by specific traits you have, such as meltdowns: “A therapist could help me avoid meltdowns, so then I wouldn’t be crying and making a scene so much. " For a self-absorbed parent: “Parents are really important in the diagnosis process. I bet they’d want to interview you. After all, you’re the expert on what I was like in childhood. " For a parent who is tired of you asking about autism: “If we finally got answers, I wouldn’t have to keep wondering why I’m different. "
If your parents are skeptical, you can explain that seeing a specialist would clear things up. The diagnosis process is not perfect, and can rely on your ability to produce anecdotes about certain traits you do or don’t have. Being prepared for your appointment can help you get a more accurate diagnosis.
