Assume that the child or teen is doing the best they can right now.
Give them extra time to follow directions and make transitions. Many tasks and activities can be tricky for some disabled kids. If they aren’t doing what they’re told, assume that they might be having trouble (instead of disobeying on purpose), and ask if they need help. Be honest if you can’t understand them. For example, you could say “I don’t understand what you’re saying, but I still care. Could you try saying it more slowly, or showing me using picture cards?” Try to be helpful, not judgmental or punitive.
Don’t assume that someone with a physical or developmental disability is intellectually disabled. Treat them in an age-appropriate way. Ask before helping out: “Do you want me to move this chair out of your way?” Sometimes the disabled person wants to do something different than you anticipated (e. g. getting out of the wheelchair to sit in the chair). Abilities can vary day to day, based on factors like stress, tiredness, and flare-ups. Someone who can walk with crutches today might need a wheelchair tomorrow.
Assume that any harmless disability traits (e. g. stimming) are there for a reason. Treat them as a personal quirk and let them be. Don’t push them to stop it because these things may be important for them. [5] X Research source If you aren’t sure about their needs, it’s okay to ask. “Do you need help with the door?” “Is the noise bothering you?”
If they can speak, then model your vocabulary usage after theirs. Listening to the words they use will help you know what level of words they understand. If they don’t speak, then use the same vocabulary you’d use for their same-age peers. (For example, you would use your normal vocabulary with a nonspeaking seventeen-year-old. )
Just ask: “Do you like people to know that you’re disabled, or do you prefer to keep it to yourself?”
It’s better to have zero non-disabled friends than to have non-disabled “friends” who treat the kid poorly. If they are getting bullied or mistreated, protect them. Tell the kid that it wasn’t okay for others to treat them this way, and that they don’t have to hang out with kids who aren’t nice to them.
Give them small choices, like which shirt to wear or which fruit to eat for a snack. Try giving them ability-appropriate responsibilities, from carrying a hotel room key to taking the dog out. If you want, try supervising while they do it (in case they need help), then praising them for doing a good job. This builds self-efficacy. If you have to overrule them or refuse a request, say why. For example, “I know you want that doll. It is very pretty. Unfortunately, we have to keep moving so that we aren’t late for the appointment. We don’t have time to shop today. "
Treat their strengths the same way you’d treat a non-disabled person’s strengths. For example, if they love art, get them sketchbooks and colored pencils, and draw pictures together with them.
